This is a problem my wife and I have been dealing with for a long time. We've tried the various methods for ejaculatory control (stop-start, squeeze techinique, etc.), but to no avail.

I went to see the Boston Medical Group who wanted to inject my penis with a drug which would artificially create an erection under the idea that I could keep going following ejaculation and over time I would just magically attain control. I couldn't get over the idea itself, much less the cost (~$1,000). How about ED drugs (Viagra, Cialis, etc.), any experiences?

One of the sites in F & E's adult directory links to a site called Staying-Power.com. Does know about this site or have anyone have any other suggestions?

Have you read their review of Staying-Power or did you just skim over the links?

Chances are, people here will have at least some ideas of how to work on this issue. There's all kinds of approaches you could use, but none that are swimming in my head would actually address the ejaculation issue. Everything I have would involve just delaying entry.

Good luck.
Ang

Funny this topic should come up (pardon the pun!). I'm reading a book called The Multi Orgasmic Couple , which outlines several ways for me to orgasm several times while maintaining my erection for a long period of time. The book states that orgasm and ejaculation are two completely different things and, should be treated as such. So far, I've been following the exercises to strenthen my PC muscle and it has already made a huge difference. Each time I urinate, I try to stop the flow 5-6 times. I'll then continue to practice the same "squeeze" while sitting down or standing several times throughout the day. Doing situps also helps. During sex, when I'm getting close to ejaculating, for example, I can exercise this muscle to actually hold myself back - it's quite amazing, actually. When I combine this with pressing on the spot behind my testicles about half way to my anus, I feel I could thrust for hours and never "finish." I have yet to progress in the book to the part about actually experiencing multiple orgasms, but I'm excited about the possibilities.

Viagra works to keep you hard, but NOT to make you last longer! Don't believe all the hype. If you come fast without Viagra, you'll come just as fast WITH Viagra. The main benefits of Viagra and its relative (Cialis, Levitra, etc.) is to get you hard in the first place. If you don't have any problems getting erect, you don't need these drugs and they can even be dangerous.

There are also topical creams available to desensitize the area, helping you prolong sex. I can also recommend The Crystal Sleeve , which fits over your erection and form a thick barrier (think of a super thick condom), which reduces sensations from your wife's vagina. It also adds a tad bit of size as a side benefit.

Welcome bigsur. I'm not sure how to phrase this without sounding either like an idiot or a smartalec so forgive me ...how soon is too soon when it comes to ejaculating? I guess what I mean is do you feel unsatisfied with the time or does your wife? Like Ang mentioned delaying tactics spring to mind as do the idea of pleasuring and bringing your wife to orgasm by other means before intercourse. Lately we've been having a very fine time pleasuring each other in lovely long lovemaking sessions that involve relatively little intercourse.

This is a one pager on Kegel exercises if you want to give that a go. Health4men

And this from one of my favourite sexual information sites Male Sexuality

Good luck

If you don't tell anyone, I'll let you in on the fact that I face this problem too. The biggest cause I reason is that my wife hardly EVER agrees to have sex since the birth of our now nearly six year old daughter. With sex so infrequent I find myself getting overly stimulated by the few opportunities she affords me. When we had sex a few times a week this was never a problem. I'm not even going to say how often we do it now.

That being said, you can apply this logic to the solution, well at least I do. If I get the heads up that I'm going to get lucky or suspect I will, I pop into the bathroom and take care of business. With this first one out of the way, you can approach sex with her more relaxed and with that out of mind.

If she's open to it, maybe you can get her to help you out with this first one. But if she's like my wife, she'll count that and you're out of luck and you ain't gettin' no more.

I've heard plenty about topical creams - the worst thing being that if you are not using a condom when you use them, you'll numb her too. The best OTC topical stuff I've heard of believe it or not is something called "Boil Relief". Obviously it wasn't created for this purpose but I've heard it works well.

It all boils down to "if you don't use it you lose it" and if she doesn't let you use it (such is my case), you have to try alternate means.

The bright side is that if you do take care of business ahead of time and it turns out that you weren't getting lucky after all, then at least you aren't going to bed too frustrated.

Welcome Bigsur!
I have to admit, the Crystal Sleeve made Freddy go on, and on, and on that I literally made him take it off so we could actually finish having sex! Romantic, I know. But it did the job. Obviously, without knowing more about you and your wife's situation, we can only give you some ideas that worked for us. I would think you saw your doctor and discussed all the possiblities. I'm glad to hear you are holding off on the injections. Now that Freddy is studying the difference of cumming and having an orgasm, he is really learning how to control his body. Pretty amazing. But for women, we've been controlling our bodies for years. Kegals are the best exercise for all of us. Just start practicing stopping your urine in contractions as you urinate. It strengthens the muscles and let's you learn how to control.

I must apologize for the link you were looking at called www.staying-power.com. Where did you find it within our site? I couldn't find it within our directories. It's a blatant advertisement for membership only, which we really do not stand for. We only promote sites that are useful to our visitors with minimum or no costs. And there should be a review from us first. We plan on taking that link down immediately.

Hubby,
What's up with that?! Six years is a hell of a long time for such a drastic change in your sex lives. Where's the communication with the wife? When's the last time you two went out on a date, just the two of you? At six, your daughter probably has asked for a sleep over, yes? Let's pull out those calendars and set some "hot sex" nights!

But back to the thread, you do give some sound advice on how to last longer. Giving yourself a head start to remove any anxiety comes in handy. Freddy definately likes to let off some steam when he knows we are going to have a long session without any interruptions. There are some fantastic masturbation sleeves on the market. I know, it sounds totally weird for me to be hawking sleeves, but they are pretty cool. There are some that are made with the cyberskin, it feels so real. I couldn't blame a guy for using them daily. Anyway, thank you for giving out such great pointers. Sorry about that pun

It's been an on-going 'bone' of contention. I've been trying to get her to see a doctor to see if it's a physical issue and she tells me I think too much about it. I've gotten rid of the kids for a weekend, I've taken her out to a hotel, I tell her she's beautiful, massages...I get nothin'. We're down to about once every two months. Still I'm trying to make an effort to keep things together because everything else is great; so long as I take care of my own "self interests".

It has been the cause of many arguments. I do however only bring up the subject when Aunt Flow is in town so she doesn't over react and tell me just to do it then and get it over with. I think that is tactful. Although even pity sex is sex. I might reconsider that strategy.

So what is this Crystal Sleeve thing? It sounds cool.

I guess you better stay well away from Moving On ! The Crystal Sleeve is a thick silicone covering that almost completely deadens any sensations and adds a touch of size to your package. Eddy doesn't like it too much, but I like the fact that I can basically go as long I want without any danger of ejaculating.

Thanks for the welcome, all. I think Hubby is on to something. My wife and I have been married 18 years and have a 4 year old, so the frequency of our lovemaking has dimished over time. I do find myself getting overly anxious, which becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I'll also try Freddy's exercise routine.

Eddy, regarding the link, I got it from the reviewd website www.my-penis.org, so it wasn't your mistake.

BigSur, just focus on the foreplay aspect. Satisfy her before the actual intercourse.

Consider a low dose of a serotonin reuptake inhibitor such as Zoloft. That might get you a good 10 min. where you aren't focusing on "not" coming.

Good luck, and don't forget...there are lots of ways to have an orgasms and find satisfaction besides intercourse.

We got The Crystal Sleeve that Eddy recommended. We both love it! Bryan said it still felt really good for him, and I like it a lot, too. You do need a REALLY good lubricant. I am naturally wet enough to get a spot on the sheets, but with the plastic (jelly) sleeve we do need artificial lubricant.

If your man comes too fast, this thing is heavenly! FYI...it shows you how much it's "in your head" and not necessarily a too-sensitive dick problem. In certain positions that he finds overly stimulating, he still gets too stimulated even with this big piece of plastic covering his hard-on, LOL!

AnotherHusband, I know exactly where you are coming from and I'm in the same boat myself, tried everything and anything to spice up the bedroom, but still have a cold fish. I too got the pity sex, and the "you think about it too much" responses. The pity sex, although it was sex, I grew to hate however. The sex was there, but no emotion from her, it almost felt as if I were taking advantage of her. I wanted, needed her emotional input during our lovemaking. Otherwise, it just seemed so empty. In her head, she thought that to please a man is to make him cum, end of story. This is fine some of the time for me, but sometimes I needed more than that. I got to where if she would offer to just please me I would turn her down and go do it myself. But things are going better. It finally came down to me telling her that I don't think about it too much, in fact I think of it the same amount as any other red blooded person, I told her that sex is a wonderful thing, and even though it shouldn't be the defining key in a relationship, it is a vital component to make the relationship better, not to be looked at as a chore. I also told her, that I was not at fault for wanting a normal amount of intimacy in our relationship and that I wasn't about to attempt to go through a lifetime of near celibacy and self restraint just to please her. I think she understands. When we are intimate now, I can tell that she wants to. We have explored many different toys and bedroom fantasies, and have found a few that work for us, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

GREAT post, Eric. I think a lot of people have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that sex and intimacy are so important to the overall health of their relationships. We seem to fool ourselves into believing we can do without this vital component. This website started because of exactly what you're talking about. I didn't just want sex; I wanted her to DESIRE sex with ME. Pity sex just doesn't do for me and I'm NOT satisfied just because she makes me climax. If that were the case and climax was the end all, be all, I'd just jerk off all the time and would never need sex at all, right? In the end, I was not willing to give up a sexually fulfilling relationship (on both sides) to save my marriage and yes, I was willing to throw it all down the tubes if (after we'd exhausted all attempts at reigniting the sexual sparks had failed) things didn't show improvement. Luckily, we worked it out and, as you can hopefully see, we are enjoying the most fulfilling intimacy of our lives.



Like with anything, hard work and the willingness to communicate is absolutely key.



One thing I would like to caution, however; don't compromise your core desires and beliefs as some noble effort at saving something that is NEVER going to improve. It is just as courageous for two people to admit it's better to go their separate ways.

I've had the same problem most of my life. I used to down lots of white russians and that helped for a while but not always. So I'd drink first then jerk off. I'd last a long time but then I'd lose my erection and couldn't come. Then I tried white russians, jerking off and viagra. And damn, that was the magic combination. I could screw all night! But all that preparation becomes tiring, kills any spontaneity and it wasn't helping my liver either.

With the few exceptions where it is truly a physical problem, in most cases it is a mental issue. I think most guy's sexual response is trained since childhood (as well as genetically programmed) to come as quickly as possible.

Go to http://tantraattahoe.com/. It seemed like a cheesy site to me, but I bought the online book and it wasn't that expensive. It's a huge book with a lot of great exercises. A lot of the tantra stuff is kinda kippie-dippie, but it has a lot of valuable info that helped me alot.

The bottom line for me was relaxation, paying more attention to my arousal level, and doing PC exercises. Made a big difference in my life. Hope that helps!