My boyfriend wants to fulfill a fantasy of him being with two women as i watch.

Question:
how did you feel the first time your boyfriend did two other women while you watched

Choices:
jealous
hot

 

Hello, and welcome

I know how I personally would feel. B and I are together only for each other, and while the idea of others may be sexy for that time spent in sexyland, either in fantasy or porn, it will remain that way...just fantasy

But what matters here is how YOU would feel. I am going to take a guess and say you are undecided, as you are asking us how we'd feel. I know there are plenty of others out there who can offer up a different opinion as well, (chime in anytime, guys!) but I feel I speak for everyone when I say the most important thing in this situation is communication between you and your boyfriend. Talk it out, and communicate your feelings to each other about this. Make sure you both are on the same page about what will happen. Who would be the other two women? Would you both know them before this situation, or would they be strangers? Etc, etc, etc. For some couples, opening up the relationship to others is a fun thing to do together; for others, it is a whole can of worms that was best left untouched.

I found this thread on nonmonogamy, and although it's long, it has some great information in it. I'm sure there will be other posts soon. Good luck, and keep us posted!

I would be up to, and have discussed a threesome with Jay. This works simply because I am bi-curious and wish to, one day, partake in an activity involving another girl with me and Jay. That said:

I don't think that if you are uncomfortable with the situation, that you should partake in it. This is what a relationship is built upon when it comes to trust and whatnot, both parties enjoying themselves. I personally would not do said activity stated above due to I would feel jealous, and even without being in a situation like that, I know id feel that way. I do already when other female friends are brought back into Jay's life without be knowing they are nonthreatening.. its my nature.

Anyways, I hope it all works out for ya.

~Kathy~

Why are you suppposed to be watching and not participating? I can understand the 2 women thing, but I would defintely demand to be one of the two women...... and he can watch....lol

I can't answer the poll because none of my boyfriends have asked me to watch him with 2 other women. I'm pretty sure I'd be jealous though, because it's not something I'm interested in. I don't share all that well...

Is watching him with 2 other girls a fantasy of yours? Are you interested in even playing with him and another woman? If so, you might try that first and see how you feel. Make sure that your feelings and his are communicated and understood before you even bring someone new into the picture.

quote:

Why are you suppposed to be watching and not participating?

Good point.

While I am pretty open minded, bicurious and not necessarily strictly monogamous in my inclinations, I have to say this request wd put me off a bit. If my husband wants a threesome we can think about it... but I think I would like to be playing too. What does a man need to prove showing off with two women in front of his girlfriend? Bah, your decision, but be sure to really listen to your own feelings about it.

quote:

Originally posted by Snowflake:

quote:

Why are you suppposed to be watching and not participating?

Good point.

What does a man need to prove showing off with two women in front of his girlfriend?

I agree. My way of thinking would be IF (and it would definitely be a big IF) this were to happen in my relationship, I would NOT be sitting on the sidelines. My pleasure and participation would have to be just as important as his, and I would not be sitting by as a spectator. If we were to go through with something like this, I would damn well have to be one of the women.

One point of confusion I have about you watching (and maybe I'm stereotyping a bit, and if I am, I apologize), is that usually the guy is more "visual" and would appreciate a show. For example, him watching you with another woman. It seems strange that he would have you watch him with 2 other women...unless you really like watching, and if that's true, that's cool. But again, that goes back to what does he have to prove? Maybe he has the other 2 picked out already, I don't know...

I would not be remotely interested in watching G with 2 other women... In fact I wouldn't even want to share him. Mind you it isn't a problem as G would not be interested.

I dated a woman who was bi, and for my bday they arranged a little show for me after dinner. Long story short.... It killed me to see someone else please the woman I loved. It sounded like a dream come true in thought/fantasy but in reality was very ugly.

quote:

Originally posted by phleb4you:
I dated a woman who was bi, and for my bday they arranged a little show for me after dinner. Long story short.... It killed me to see someone else please the woman I loved. It sounded like a dream come true in thought/fantasy but in reality was very ugly.

you know, I thought I was the only guy who didn't have the threesome fascination. Glad to know I'm not alone. But yeah, the 3 some thing just isn't hot to me.

I have to agree to be careful on this one. Sounds like him with 2 women could lead to alot of trouble. L and I have had several very enjoyable and intensely bonding experiences involving other women, but always with both of us as active participants. I can understand the desire to see him be happy, but it sounds more like an avenue to sex outside the relationship. Sex outside the relationship can in itself be healthy but it needs to be talked through together and the reasons for the need have to be clear. There is just too much room for serious damage to the relationship.

quote:

Originally posted by burnerthelearner:

quote:

Originally posted by phleb4you:
I dated a woman who was bi, and for my bday they arranged a little show for me after dinner. Long story short.... It killed me to see someone else please the woman I loved. It sounded like a dream come true in thought/fantasy but in reality was very ugly.

you know, I thought I was the only guy who didn't have the threesome fascination. Glad to know I'm not alone. But yeah, the 3 some thing just isn't hot to me.

My wife had a bi experience (her bf at the time and 2 other girls), which she agreed to because it was her bf's ultimate fantasy. Her bf loved it, I'm pretty sure she enjoyed it more than she lets on to me , but ultimately it destroyed their relationship, and it killed her to see someone else please him.

I'd be in the same boat if she and I ever tried it. The thought of my wife with another woman is a huge turn on for me (in fact I think I drive her nuts whenever I ask her to retell the story of her 4-way, LOL) but I also know that the fantasy is something that will STAY in my head and nowhere else. I couldn't handle sharing her with anyone else - hell I sometimes feel a slight ping of jealousy just seeing another girl get frisky with her on the dance floor at a club after we'd been drinking all night.

Just because it might be a totally hot fantasy doesn't mean it'd be equally as hot in reality. If the idea doesn't totally turn BOTH of you on, and you're not both 100% comfortable with the idea, I'd say you're risking losing the entire relationship over it.

quote:

Originally posted by Omni:
it killed her to see someone else please him.

Just because it might be a totally hot fantasy doesn't mean it'd be equally as hot in reality. If the idea doesn't totally turn BOTH of you on, and you're not both 100% comfortable with the idea, I'd say you're risking losing the entire relationship over it.

This is the perfect statement of what I'm worried about- knowing that Jay loves me is one thing and communication is another- however, when you really get down to it, I don't know if I would find Jay doing anything with someone else female would turn me on or make me want to leave the room- which would defeat the purpose of having a threesome.

~Kathy~

quote:

Originally posted by Kathy & Jay:

quote:

Originally posted by Omni:
it killed her to see someone else please him.

Just because it might be a totally hot fantasy doesn't mean it'd be equally as hot in reality. If the idea doesn't totally turn BOTH of you on, and you're not both 100% comfortable with the idea, I'd say you're risking losing the entire relationship over it.

This is the perfect statement of what I'm worried about- knowing that Jay loves me is one thing and communication is another- however, when you really get down to it, I don't know if I would find Jay doing anything with someone else female would turn me on or make me want to leave the room- which would defeat the purpose of having a threesome.

~Kathy~

I think it's probably something you'd have to decide for yourself.

Got some good old fashioned truth serum (aka alcohol) in the wife this weekend and finally got the full scoop on her story - and it was OH-MY-GOD-HOT. And the alcohol helped her to finally admit that she thought it was hot too and REALLY enjoyed it... SO much so that even though it was 10 years ago, it still got her all wet just retelling the story. Hot enough that the conversation definitely lead into the thought of really trying it some day together. But we always came back to not wanting to share each other. Her last (and only) experience, even though it was incredible sex, was emotionally very painful. I think we're just going to resort to watching porn in surround sound to recreate the experience as much as possible without involving anyone else

Let me leave you with some questions.

How would it make you feel to see him orgasm in/with someone else?
Go down on someone else?
Someone go down on him?
What's the one thing he does to you that drives you wild? Now take that, and imagine him doing it to someone else. Are you ok with that?

Talk about it with him. A lot. Have sex a lot, to the point where you're definitely DONE for the time being - and THEN talk about it, just so you're sure your head is clear and you're not just horny and ready to get laid (where lots of things might sound like a good idea.) This isn't something you can "undo" if you don't like it, like trying a new toy or position or something. So just be sure you'd be ok with things on all fronts before proceeding.

Wow... I wrote a lot. Good luck