Curious--I would like to advise your husband in getting a complete physical, as well.

he is young, but not too young for things to go wrong; men often overlook things because they don't seek medical attention as easily as women (i read this in webmd while researching something for my own hubby)

you mentioned exercise, that he can't or won't do it. for now, you may try to encourage him to gradually cut back on SUGAR if nothing else (natural sugar is better--i personally believe artificial sweeteners to be toxic, poison). as you decrease the sugar, the cravings will lessen, the eating less will follow, more energy, better mental/emotional health, etc.

you seem like such a nice, caring person. you need to avoid your own stress with your own physical issues...way too young to be going through what you've been/are going through.

as a woman and a wife, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FIRST! as you feel good about yourself, it'll resonate from the inside out. do you have a good toy on hand? if so, use the hell out of it! the orgasms heal the body...your body. you'll feel better. he won't be able to help but be affected by this.

and don't feel guilty for any of it, either...don't 'own' his problems. help, but don't own

This message has been edited. Last edited by: ultlushamed,

Hubs has been to the doctor and had tests, everything is fine there. I have lots of toys and masturbate often. Hubs biggest problem is stress and that lowers his self esteem. Thank you all for the support. Sometimes it's nice to know that I'm not alone

Just a comment about stress:

the longer someone experiences the effects of stress the worse the symptoms become and can eventually lead to depression. i'm not talking about feeling sad. i'm talking about a general lack of interest in the world, low libido, low self esteem are all aspects of that.

the constant stress can trigger a chemical reaction in the brain which can lead to what DH is experiencing.

if he tried an SSRI "anti-depressant" and he felt better it could break the cycle he is in.

as i've posted before i started on in january and it changed everything about my life. i'm STILL overweight and still have all the same problems, but i am much more interested in living life and feeling happy.

my situation was very bad and i would be fine with staying on the meds the rest of my life, BUT not everyone needs to go on them forever. many many people only take them for a few months and feel much better.

quote:

Stress can be debilitating in many ways.

I lost my father to it. The 38 Caliber way.

Get him to see an LCSW or better yet an MD or PHD in the field. The later can prescribe meds if necessary.

T-Rex, I am VERY, VERY, sorry about your father, buddy.

Although I was not suicidal, I struggled with suicidal thoughts that lasted over 10 years, up to about 15 years ago.

I knew I had some mental issues as well as hormomal. It was hard to get a doctor and even a GYN to take me seriously, plus the main family member that carried the 'bad genes' was in denial.

As it turned turned out, I needed to be on a light dose of Prozac, as well as Synthroid (for HYPO-thyroidism). As I shared with another member of this forum, I don't know if I STILL need to be on the Prozac. Recent studies as to whether or not Prozac actually helps has proven inconsistent/inconclusive. But I don't DARE stop it--I feel I owe it to myself AND MY FAMILY to do whatever I can to try and maintain QUALITY mental health.

Joking about ORGASMS is fun & all, but the general public really doesn't give enough credit to the value that they benefit a human being's overall health and well-being.

ALL JOKES ASIDE--in just the past month that I've belonged to this forum, 'Mr. Ult' has COMPLETELY changed his tune to the value of SEX to our relationship, to MY not-so-healthy body.

I have only GOOD WISHES for others suffering from lack of a quality sex life in this forum as well...whether you are the one with the low libido or the other partner who is going without.

Please take heed to T-Rex's call to seek help.

There's certainly a place for meds, but you HAVE to think about them long term... once you start taking an SSRI, you can't just stop taking it, but have to wean off over a period of months, lest you get the withdrawl symptoms, which can include anxiety, irritability, "brain shocks", sexual dysfunction, a severe depressive crash and sometimes suicidal tendencies.

I haven't, in practice, seen much in the way of suicidal inclinations (higher likelihood in teens & children), but have seen severe depression caused by the withdrawal.

Do your research... its well established that most docs do not thoroughly educate their patients on side effects and withdrawal issues. Lots of people try to quit taking them, feel utterly dreadful, and think that that's what they'd be like if they didn't stop taking the meds, not knowing that the meds are causing the crash.

Meds do have their place (yes, I've actually consulted clients NOT to stop taking them when it was appropriate), but I feel they're too often used ~before~ other therapies that might be more beneficial. It has, for instance, been shown repeatedly that physical exercise is more effective than SSRIs. And ANYONE with severe depression should be in therapy. Not just, "let's prescribe you something" therapy, but "let's figure out what's going on and how to deal with it" therapy.

Oh; and they physiology of stress & sex: your adrenals deal with stress. Your adrenals make sex hormones. If your adrenals are tapped out dealing with stress, then they're often too exhausted to make sex hormones.

quote:

Oh; and they physiology of stress & sex: your adrenals deal with stress. Your adrenals make sex hormones. If your adrenals are tapped out dealing with stress, then they're often too exhausted to make sex hormones.

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one little paragraph makes so so much sense.

well put bittersweet!

best
N.

Thanks for all the advice. Stress is his biggest problem. Once things settle down on that front we'll get better. we flirt a lot more now and we're both more touchy feely and that helps. We talk about it once in a while just to make sure that we are still " on the same page"