I don't have much experience in this area but have been told www.adultfriendfinder.com is not a bad place to start. Can enter your city or state, post a short bio about yourselves and what you are seeking. Also have been told a movie called Zebra Lounge depicts a reasonable facsimile of entering the lifestyle.

Thanks so much for all the advice!

We have not gotten to this point yet. But I have found that this whole "search" has been extremely thrilling for my hub and I.
We have this little secret. No one else knows what it is. We giggle about it, we fantasize about it. He is so awesome about it. He says it is up to me about the choices we make, the couple we choose, how far we decide to go. Of course, I want his input. But I never dreamt he would be this great about it. I guess I was afraid that if I changed my mind about it, I would somehow be bullied into doing it anyway. Either that or I would feel I was reneging on an agreement and do it out of guilt. Which would cause me to resent him. Which is strange, because he bullies me into nothing. But he freed me from that concern. Damn, I love his so much I'm gonna climb right on his face later......and maybe read a magazine.. (see Cone thread in Toy Stories)

My first concern when this came up was whether or not one could have sex with someone without feelings. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of slumming, but I love my hub very much and didn't want this to be to our detriment. We talked about it, and he had the same concerns. However, his were a little different. Apparently the little maniac has had quite a few 3somes in his earlier years, and knows full well he can have sex with someone without having any feelings because he was doing it with a couple that were friends. He was concerned about me because when he did it before, he had nothing to lose. It was the other guys girl. He couldn't care less.

So we have talked, and talked, and talked about all these feelings and concerns. And now that we have been totally open and honest with each other about it - we are totally stoked!!

It is going to happen. It may not be anytime soon. But we hope so! I will keep you guys posted.

quote:

I love his so much I'm gonna climb right on his face later......and maybe read a magazine

I like the sound of that!!

WOW!!!......

and he didn't even take his socks off!

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Originally posted by Glamourous Granny:
and he didn't even take his socks off!

Haha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed this first

quote:

Haha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed this first Wink

How could you miss the single bright white spot in the picture? Of course, I think the first thing I noticed was the sleeping bag.

All the same, I wish my stomach was that flat...

quote:

I wish my stomach was that flat...

me too and i wish my tongue was where his is...i guess i'm a pussy-a-holic.

I dearly love a (dressed) man in socks and sandals, but a naked man with socks deflates the beast in me. Sorry. Could be Brad Pitt stalkin around and looking as hot as hell but the socks... nix, DVD tonight.

I don't mean to put a damper on things, but I have a close friend who got into the swinging life style with his wife and it basically ended their marriage.

Apparently she was the instigator and he became the willing partner, as her first request was to try a threesome with another female. It eventually led to couples and so on.
It's funny, as he was explaining to me how their relationship "was on another level" ( I think he meant "higher") then most people, that he loved her enough to let her go.
I don't want my relationship on that level!


All I know is I love my wife so much that I wouldn't want to risk loosing her to a situation like this.

On another note. I'm loving the picture Fraggle posted!

Im with WH on this too. My relationship's not going there. It takes a very special relationship to be able to share your spouse sexually. I aint going there, but I respect those that want to do it.

Im trying to find the same image with a naked man in black sox only!! LOL....snow....

It's not always easy, but for us... it's worth it. I've had a lot of conversations with many people: some who refuse to every try it, some who have tried it and not liked it, some who are exploring, some who practice full polyamory...

What works for one couple will not likely work for another - even within the lifestyle there isn't a single relationship that's the same.

I can totally appreciate the point of view that it can ruin marriages - but in all but one of the cases I've observed, it does not do that. And the one case where it did, the relationship was doomed in the first place.

So you're not putting a damper on things - you're giving one possible scenario and the one people think is most common. It's really not, but because it's bad press it makes for better news. We're all entitled to our opinions, and you have some valid points - I don't necessarily think your friend did, but you do!

And I KNEW there was a reason I hate wearing socks - one less thing to remove!!!

Okay, I can now elaborate on this subject more educated.

We have gone the "soft swap" route, and we have had a great time. It has not been without its problems.

First off, it is defintely not for everyone. I have heard people say "I don't care what they say, if you are a swinger you must not have a good marriage and/or sex life". I too used to believe this. And as I am seeing, there are many different types of couples in the Lifestyle. Some completely confident and extremly happy, others self conscious and looking for fulfillment in a marriage that is ultimately unfulfilling. Some who will let you lead, never ever be pushy, and others who meet you and want to get naked immediately.

We were fortunate enough to hook up with a couple who were very patient and allowed us to take it as slow as we wanted. Everyone has issues, they said. But whether or not you can work through it is the key. Both have to be on the same level. And if you are not on the same level, either the more eager person needs to yield to the one who is having more comfort issues or you should just stop. No amount of sex is worth your marriage.

Our first experience was one of just flirting, touching, kissing, etc... Me with him, her with him, and me with her. I kissed a girl... and I liked it! It was all very exciting. We were so horned up by the time we got home we were tearing each others clothes off at the door.

We liked it so much, we decided to take it to the next level. That being that oral could take place, but no intercourse. Same room only. I will have to post that sometime because let me tell you - - that was some crazy bone fest going on! At times we didn't know who's mouth was where or who's hands were on whom... but we didn't care at that moment. However, afterward hubby was overwhelmed and we had to take a step back. I enjoyed it and wished he felt the same. I can honestly say that if it never happens again I wouldn't care.

We are now talking to another couple and have been taking it really, really slow. Mostly just making out like horny teenagers, a little girl/girl play but nothing serious yet. We have both decided that the first couple just wasnt right for us, and we jumped in too fast.

Its not for everyone, and I don't know if we will continue to do this. But for now, we are having a great time. Plus we still can't get enough of each other.

We use swinging as a tool to enhance our marriage. And most marriages that end when a couple start swinging were doomed anyway.

lifestylelounge.com is for swingers, and has a validation system.

quote:

Originally posted by WHHighlander:
I don't mean to put a damper on things, but I have a close friend who got into the swinging life style with his wife and it basically ended their marriage.

Apparently she was the instigator and he became the willing partner, as her first request was to try a threesome with another female. It eventually led to couples and so on.
It's funny, as he was explaining to me how their relationship "was on another level" ( I think he meant "higher") then most people, that he loved her enough to let her go.
I don't want my relationship on that level!


All I know is I love my wife so much that I wouldn't want to risk loosing her to a situation like this.

this is what happened with my parents. they tried the "soft swap" option for a bit of titillation and are now divorced; she is living with the man in the original scenario. For me, it would take a long time of self awareness before i could broach this kind of experience.
good luck with it.

sidenote:
this entire thread reminds me of a movie called "sex monster" where a husband wants to have a 3some with his wife and another woman and it gets way out of hand. it's a funny little movie.