This is pretty complicated and my first post but here goes. My wife (5'4" 135) has been seeing someone for almost 2 years (6'2" 195). I am 5'9" 160. I originally let her do this because we are both in our 40's and I've only been able to bring her to orgasm orally and she wanted to explore. Long story short, she's sexually hooked on this guy. In her words, he "reads me like a book and the best lover I've ever had." He's been able to bring her to vaginal orgasm (no manual clit stim which she has to do with me). I've tried the CAT position but to no avail. She says I squish her. Well, last week, she had a g spot orgams w/female ejactulation.

Leaving the emotional baggage out of this (it could be a whole other post as I'm having a hard time w/my ego in tact), we've talked about our incompatible stature. In other words, she thinks he's able to do this because of his size (I'll also assume he's bigger than my normal 5 1/2" due to his height). Do I need to find a 4'11" female? I shouldn't think so but that is her arguement.

Does anyone out there have tips on me being able to bring her off in this manner? Should I write if off and get a life and just be happy for her? Should I try and please her in other ways since I'm not able to give her orgasms in this manner?

We've been together for 20 years so this is definately exciting for her. I feel happy for her but now feel like a failure sexually.

Celt, stop me before I say something "Lit" like! Hurry!

Can't stop the inevitable. Just like I can't stop tomorrow (today, technically) from coming.

~Ang

I can not believe I am responding to this but here goes. I am 5'2' 130 my husband is 5'9' 185. So I don't think your size is the problem, and I would not assume that the other man is bigger then you are. My ex hubby was 6'2 235 and trust me is a lot smaller then my new hubby. If you were ok with the situation I would say great your both happy, but your not and that makes your situation a problem. I have a problem at times not being able to have an orgasm without manual help. But that is not my hubands fault nor would I ever blame him. By the way his size his size is not the problem. I did not run out and find someone who could do it for me. I talked to my huband told him what I needed and he is very happy to lend a hand. On the nights that I can not orgasm vaginally, our sex is longer and in my opinion better then when I do. Because my husband listens to what I need and by the time that we are finished I could not tell you where one orgasm started and the last one ended. Making a women have a vaginal orgasm does not make you a great lover. It is everything else that is involved. I think that you should talk to your wife and tell her how you feel, tell her how unhappy you are. If at that point she does not want to give up the other man then her reasons for being with him are not sexual. Sex is great and a very important part of a happy relationship but it should not come at the expense of someones happiness.

Yeah, what SHE said!

OK, since our fealress leader has opted out of this topic, I'll see if I can't throw some thought in here. Your post to me smacks of something other than not being able to bring your wife to orgasm. It definitely reaks of her having an affair with your blessing becuase you think there is nothing you can do for her, but let her have her fun.

If you're uncomfortable with the situation of her sleeping with another man, then it's not right for your marriage plain and simple. You obviously feel less than adequate because of her actions and what she's telling you so you need to take a stand for yourself and for the sake of your marriage.

The main thing you need to do is tell your wife exactly what you're feeling about the entire situation and make sure the blame is shared equally between you, i.e. don't make yourself out to be the bad guy or it's not going to get you anywhere. Secondly, she should be working with you to achieve her orgasms, not seeking it somewhere else. If she can't communicate with you well enough to work through this issue, then what does that do to the rest of your life?

Sounds to me like you need to man up and take an active part in your own marriage and get your wife to stop the damage she's doing to your ego and marriage as well, or live with the fact that she is getting her pleasure elsewhere and living with your support and more or less walking all over you.

Jonny,

Being the only swinger to respond to your questions, I hope that I can help. First of all, I'm not going to judge your situation. It is obvious that you have both talked about this cuckhold situation, however, now it may not be okay and you both need to discuss boundaries again. I'll be glad to discuss this issue further at your choice.

Does your wife go off and see this guy by herself or do you get to watch? In otherwords do you get to participate in the sexual activity with both of them?

The reason I ask this question because if you are not particiating in the MFM act, it can create problems for you as a couple. Rather than having seperate experiences, you should be sharing the experience together.

Secondly, size has nothing to do with it. In some of the most recent G Spot studies, which will be out in "The G Spot Revisted, Fall 2005, the G spot is only reachable after a women has had an orgasm vaginally or clitorially. Additionally, it moves around when she shifts her body, so it is never in the same exact spot. Remember the other guy might have gotten lucky this time by producing a orgasm out of your wife first then was able to find the g spot afterward. It doesn't mean it will happen all the time.
The current collaboration on this is being done by http://www.smilingcloud.com/page5.html - Jim Thomsen.

After you have gotten her to orgasm orally, do you continue to have sex using a variety of toys to try to bring her to a vaginal orgasm?

Does she ever masturbate for you and bring herself to orgasm either vaginally or clitorially prior to having vaginal sex?

Regarding her being able to get a vaginal orgasm out of him and not with you -- we'll it could be simple some of the sexual positions that he is performing. Have you discussed those positions and what other things they talk or discuss during sex. It could be a "mind" thing that he is doing and not necessarily a physical thing alone. I have also added another article link that discusses Female Orgasms in general. Believe me, it is not you, its her and her body.

Female Orgasm - Talk Sex with Sue



Also a myth - the size of the penis is relative to the size of the human body. It's bullshit! I once dated a guy that was 6'2" and his penis was 3" long and 2" in girth fully erected. He used a penis extender to reach my g spot.
A very good article (read the top part) by Talk Sex with Sue is listed below:
Talk Sex With Sue Penis Information

Last, you both need to be on the same page and communicating about how this is making you feel. One partner swinging or in a cuckhold relationship while the other partner is not is not a good idea. It can be bad for your relationship. I don't know whether you going out and getting another sexual partner will solve the problem, but I do think you both need to see a sex therapist and discuss the current issues at hand.

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This is pretty complicated and my first post but here goes. My wife (5'4" 135) has been seeing someone for almost 2 years (6'2" 195). I am 5'9" 160. I originally let her do this because we are both in our 40's and I've only been able to bring her to orgasm orally and she wanted to explore. Long story short, she's sexually hooked on this guy. In her words, he "reads me like a book and the best lover I've ever had." He's been able to bring her to vaginal orgasm (no manual clit stim which she has to do with me). I've tried the CAT position but to no avail. She says I squish her. Well, last week, she had a g spot orgams w/female ejactulation.

Leaving the emotional baggage out of this (it could be a whole other post as I'm having a hard time w/my ego in tact), we've talked about our incompatible stature. In other words, she thinks he's able to do this because of his size (I'll also assume he's bigger than my normal 5 1/2" due to his height). Do I need to find a 4'11" female? I shouldn't think so but that is her arguement.

Does anyone out there have tips on me being able to bring her off in this manner? Should I write if off and get a life and just be happy for her? Should I try and please her in other ways since I'm not able to give her orgasms in this manner?

We've been together for 20 years so this is definately exciting for her. I feel happy for her but now feel like a failure sexually.

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Thanks everyone. I did say this was complicated. I don't have a solid category of what this arrangement falls into but she did have my blessing so I'd have to say it's an "understood" relationship. Yes, our marraige isn't a picture perfect one. We have our ups and downs. She has always been faithful thoughout our marraige. I give her lots of credit. She travels extensively and has never wandered though she was very sexual before we were went out. Given that fact and that she found a travel "lover", I gave her my permission so that is my fault. I can't turn back time. Perhaps I thought I had iron nerves and realized I was vulnerable. From my logical standpoint, I have given the woman I love out to venture and discover parts of her sexuality that she didn't know existed and now I want to be her #1 again. To Airforce wife's point, thanks for the reminder that I can be a terrific lover w/out the chalk board talk and shouldn't assume his height, nose or toes has anything to due with his size. Through these last 2 years, I've also grown sexually (I would never have found this web site or ever thought I'd willfully attend LA Erotica where I would be talking to people in Freddy and Eddy's booth "free plug" about cock rings but we're going again in 2 weeks. Buckshot77 has a point but I'm trying to make this work for the both of us. Yes, we've talked about my uncomfortableness with this and I'm happy for her at the same time hurt when I let myself think that I caused this because she thinks it's him doing this for her rather than her letting herself have these types of orgasms. I'd hate to be traveling the amount that she has to for her job. She would say yes if I told her not to see him but would be left unfulfilled sexually. This segways into the subject of swinging to "scifi" points. Until the last 2 years, I have never allowed myself to even think of being with anyone other than my wife. I left it up to videos and books to fantasize and leave it as that. When she asked if I'd be willing to participte in a MFM, of course I said no. As I watch more videos of MFM and FMF, it sounds better and better but I know we all need to be comfortable with this. That being said, The other M isn't comfortable yet either (I said it was complicated) so for the time being, we're all letting things go idle for the time being. In other words, he wouldn't be comfortable w/me watching though I think I might enjoy it. I'm confronting my fears and at my age, have nothing to lose because we aren't leaving each other. I do see your point though. It would bring us together again vs. separately from a sex stand point. We both need to be more comfortable with this subject as well. We have never been to a party but have talked. Now isn't the time though.
We have discussed the positions. They are the missionary with legs over the sholder and CAT positions that are giving her the G & V orgasms. Also, she takes over an hour to orgasm. He is able to keep up with her. I sometimes can but after moving furniture all day, even the movers would get tired after a while and I lose a lot of sensation after a while. Without watching them, I don't quite get it but we're trying. She doesn't even know what he does to her but it's great! I don't think me getting another woman will solve the issues and I haven't been trying to do that. We have been w/2 therapists. One did not believe in the g spot and thought divorce was the only answer so we left and the other was very helpful for me and discovering my sexuality but did nothing to help my wife. All of your responses were in line with what the therapist shared with me. It's just that I'd kill myself before I'd ask a family member or a close friend how to handle this situation and have had enough of spending money on a therapist that I'd rather spend on my wife so I'm glad to have folks like you who are willing to share tips and information that will continue to help me and my wife. Thanks! I'd be glad to go off line to discuss and share further. Take care

Thanks Scifi for your in depth input. I'm sure our members learned a lot, since I sure did! And welcome to Airforce Wife! I'm sure that most of us on the boards here can say that your information on MFM relationship has opened our eyes to the dance within this courtship.

Overall I do agree as a partner that Johnny and his wife needs to communicate and really see where their relationhsip is going. Being together for 20 years is a feat in itself,but if the two people in this relationship aren't on the same playing field then its' solid foundation will not stand strong. I hope that Johnny will at least put forward the strength to bring his issues up to his wife and fight to bring back passion into his marriage again.

Here is something else that may help you. Since you just told us that it takes over an hour for your wife to orgasm, the problem is not with you but with her. She needs to be more aware of your body and what it takes for her to orgasm. And this about her traveling and being away alot, that makes no sense to me. I am the most sexual person I know and I am away from my husband alot more then I am sure that she is away from you and I can remain faithful. Even with your blessing she knew that you would not be ok with this arrangment so all I can say is tell her what you really want her to do. Give up the other man and work on her relationship with you. Because it is never going to get any better until she she does. From what you say she wants a MFM, but neither man is comfortable with that and you shouldn't have to share your wife if thats not what you want.It sounds to me like see wants her cake and to eat it too. So tell her what you want and deal with your problems as a couple, bringing some one else into her bed has not help so try something else. Good Luck.

I have to agree with Eddy's comments. I also agree with airforce wife -- swinging is not the answer for you.

Fighting... urge... to... speak...

Must think of... Celt... Yes, that's it...

Celt, Celt, Celt, Celt...

Shoot, I'll play devil's advocate. C'mon Freddy just tell us what you're thinking!

Yep, I second that....

G

Even if you cannot take as long as she can to get her to a V or G orgasm, F&E have many items that may help her to get there as well. What about desensitizing you or increasing her sensitivity? and then there are many, many manual things that could be done to her versus penetration that might be able to get her to the big O too and not wear you down at the same time.

Definatley agree with the communication and get down to the nitty gritty of what you both want and what you are and are NOT willing to do or not do in some cases.

Good luck!