Okay, here's my problem. I have a much higher libido than my husband. I'd love to get 3 or 4 times a day. He's content with once every 3 or 4 days. He says I'm just so good, I wear him out.
My question is how do we balance this out? We bought a BOB for me, but that's not nearly as much fun. I tried to talk him into just giving me a "hand job" or oral when he's not in the mood, but he's not very interested in that either.
What do I do?

I would highly suggest "taking matters into your own hands," so to speak. Why do you necessarily need him? Guys have been supplementing our sexual cravings through massive masturbation since the dawn of time; it's no substitute, but it certainly fills in the gaps.

Another great way is to prolong your sessions with your husband. Tell him you're going to take control and that he can't come until you let him. Start in the morning by telling him what you want later that day or evening, then draw it out. Maybe do the dishes with no undies and put his hand down there to let him know it, throw an adult flick into the DVD player and watch 15 minutes or read some erotic fiction together. Then, when you're ready to tear into each other, stop completely and start all over.

Remember, the key is to keep things going as long as possible. This doesn't mean you have to be having sex all that time, just that you regulate things until you're satisfied (take a break, for example, from intercourse to pleasure yourself for his enjoyment and then continue after you come).

Where are these women? Sheesh. I swear we need a better interview process when taking a mate.

How is it that people with such conflicting libidos can meet?

forget that there is NOTHING better than waking a sleeping cowboy cos you just know the dream he's having is the best fantasy ever when your busy sucking on him and riding him and when he wakes up halfway through with the biggest grin on his face! (I've been told to not take offense if he moans a different name- beter be a supermodel or celebrity otherwise there will be trouble! )

Here's the strange thing. (I forgot to tell you this)He never has any trouble getting it up. All I have to do is look at him a he's at full attention. But, he tells me just because he's hard doesn't mean he's horny. He says there's outside horny and inside horny. I've never heard this before. I thought all 22 year-old men were just horn dogs.
Do any other men agree with him?
BTW, he does work a very physical job, and usually has a 12 hour work day. So he says he's tired. I just get frustrated, because we're newlyweds with no kids. I thought we'd be swinging from the ceiling, not watching tv everynight.

Honey not all 22 yr olds are horn dogs! I got me one and his libido is WAY less than mine! We've learnt to deal with it by me just jumping on and riding him so he doesn't have to put in SOOO much effort (but just enough) on days when he is tired and otherdays we switch it up a little once I've got him going. If he insists on watching TV sit on him and grind against him until either you get off or he gets distracted by you (he'll pay you attention but he'll hae a damn good try at watching tv) or wander away where he can see shakin what your momma gave ya!
There's LOTS of different things to get him wound up enough that he'll just jump you! The fun is in finding all the different ways- plus it keeps him on his toes! LOL

Tiggie, I'm falling out of bed laughing at your posts - this is why I love you.

22 years old? Sheeit, something's wrong there, babe! When I was 22, no 12 hour day, 20 beers, and seeing my mother naked could keep me from jumping on any half way decent woman within striking distance!

He wore himself out in college!!!LOL
He gets seriously tired and sleeps ALOT but he's always checking out chicks ( I help!!) it's just when I wanna keep going after a few times and he's worn out! Poor cowboy! AFter 20 beers good luck getting anywhere near him he gets cocky and mouthy (not nasty-just yappy!) If you can get him to shut up for 5 mins...well.....!!

Lol..luckily my BF's libido is pretty close to mine..the only time it's not is when he's had a few beers!! Then I have to run and hide!! The man doesn't need any Viagra, just give him beer!! 4 hrs and he's STILL going and I am BEGGING for him to finish!

I used to have this problem. Trying to have kids with no success led the Doc to discover I have a condition called varicoceal. Did the surgery. Were a much more compatable match now.

Oh the joy of fate to be put under the same roof with someone who doesn't want sex as often as you do. Oh the double joy when it is us the ladies who end up with guys that are not up for it as often as we are!! (PUN INTENDED!!!) There are times when I feel like I am crazy because I am the one that ALWAYS wants it. It is a rare day for me to not be in the mood. Yes, yes I have taken matters into my own hands to self serve. Still there is something so much more enjoyable about doing it with him. Yes, yes orgasms are lovely and all but just having them to have them eh?

Freddy, amen to the 22 year old male!!! Never knew one that didn't walk around "ready" for action at the drop of a bra! Now I will say that with age comes a degree of longevity that is much better but also with age the eager beaver isn't so eager anymore. Lots of life stress gets in the way.

Guys please I beg you, learn to leave it at the office. Unless you are Freddy who gets to do it in the office!

Since this has been resurrected, I'll update.

Things are MUCH more equal now. We have slacked off lately because we have been working complete opposite schedules, but before that happened, it was wonderful. F & E and this board had a lot to do with it. I did a lot of "I read this thing on F & E...." Hubby also lurks on here pretty often.

Let me just say, I love this board and you guys are all great. I know that a lot of how fantastic our sex life is now is due to you guy's help.

Next week, Hubby should be back on my schedule. Woohoo! We can have sex again!

Minx

I wish Jen had the same drive as you. She's great when I get her in the mood...she dirty talks, tries new positions and "wets" easily. Problem is: getting her in the mood...I'm tired of doing it all the time. Her "initiating sex" consists of getting naked and laying under the blankets in bed. It's almost an insult. It's as if to say "If your gonna get lucky, you'd better make it quick and get started".

I understand that she can be preoccupied with thoughts of household chores, financial woes, schedule conflicts and kids. I can't understand why the LAST thing on her mind is sex with her hubby. Sometimes it will piss me off to no end, other times I just shut down and leave her be. I wish I had the same self control that she does. We can be laying in bed (early) and be preparing for sleep, when I start to caress her back and ass. I can let her know that I'm "feeling lucky" but she'll shrug my hand away, let out a sigh and say "honey, I just want to go to sleep" or "I haven't shaved today". This drives me insane. The thought that 15-30 minutes of a 24 hour day can't be shared intimately with her husband because she'd rather get that 15-30 minutes of extra sleep is beyond me. Sometimes I think of going on "strike" and putting her in the same boat. Problem here? She tells me to "put him away" when I see her nude or semi-dressed or smiling or frowning or mad or sad or...

Anyhoo...I can't contain myself! I wish she would share the "drive" with me. I feel as if I'm "burdening" her with my advancements. I wish she'd initiate more often as well...I'm running out of ideas. The only time she does is when "it's been awhile" (more than a week) or when it's about that time (all three kids are asleep, we're both showered, it's Saturday or Sunday afternoon and we haven't messed around since LAST Saturday or Sunday afternoon) or if she's almost drunk (which I haven't seen for a year)

Note; That last statement...Guys/girls...Get her/him drunk and they'll pass out. Get them "on the verge of drunk" drunk and they'll puke.
Get them half wasted
Get them semi-wasted...they won't shut up. Get them slightly intoxicated and they'll hate you tommorrow for the pain. THERE IS A FINE LINE...finding it is your task.

Gotta go...

I've been consuming my beverages rather profusely today...been a bad week. This is about as personal as I will get. Jen tells me I have the sensitivity of a thumbtack. Anyhoo...relish my "opening up". I'm sure I'll shake my head and wonder what I was thinking tommorrow. (Well, I don't know about the shaking my head part )

I'm sorry you're having such a bad day lc.

Thanks for sharing. I was wondering if you've sat your wife down and had a good conversation about this? Maybe she has forgotten in the business of raising kids and doing whatever else she does that initiating sex is such an important part of marriage for both partners.

[Edit: I know this seems a little obvious, but when our kids were really little my hormones went weird and I did forget to care about sex. D resorted to porn and the "5 knuckle shuffle" in between our few and far between (once or twice a monthish) love making sessions. He did this until I caught him and now we're back on track. If he would have just told me that sex was still so important to him then I certainly would've listened, been flattered and acted on it. As it was, I was really hurt when I figured out what had been going on behind my back. If the end justifies the means though, then we're good. But that's mostly because I love porn (well the porn that D likes anyway, we're lucky to have the same taste in such things) and love watching him self service. I don't know that it would be as easy to get over for a woman who didn't.]

Or maybe you should go buy some Zima....

S

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Ms. Pear,

Hey LC, A friend said the other day: "Men need two things in marriage: Respect and good sex." Not sure that's everything but that covers two pretty important bases.

A marriage can be great. Or it can be like working for the Post Office. Some people feel they have the job for life, and don't do the same things they did when courting. Big mistake. Also sex is kind of like the canary in the coal mine for other issues. I don't mean to criticize your wife. May be you need to do some things differently.

Check out this site for several letters & advice on this topic. Same author as "His Needs Her Needs, Building an Affair-proof Marriage". It's kind of conservative, but sound, and it might resonate with you and your wife. There might be better stuff out there, but I think this is pretty good.

The problem is obviously getting to you. You have a strong need for, and right to, a great sex life. You've committed the most precious thing you have to the marriage: you. You and your wife want to solve this. Otherwise the resentment will build further, or you'll have an affair as an alternative way to get your needs met. Life is too short. Your marriage is too important. I'm pulling for ya, dude. Good luck and best wishes.