This is very long - sorry

Bit of background: Basically no sex drive on my part for several years. Stopped taking the pill late last year as I (finally) found out that could cause a drop in sex drive. Nothing changed for months. Then just over a month ago, I found myself actually horny for once and took advantage of it - hadn't felt like that in eons. It lasted one or two days and then I started my period (sorry if that's TMI) so I chalked it up to hormones. After that everything went back to "normal". Not too big of a deal as we were getting ready for vacation and shared hotel rooms with kidlet the entire time.

Then last week it started again. Things were crazy around here so it took a couple of days for me to act on it but for the next four days I thought almost nothing but sex 24/7. It was like a decade of repressed sex drive was coming out. Hubby was pleased but also asked what was going on (we had sex three out of four days - unheard of for me).

Today I can feel that I'm starting my period again which means that the last several days were a precurser but it has given me hope that my sex drive is coming back. Though my body is not feeling up to it, my mind still has sex running though it and I decided to take advantage before it all goes away again. I'm thinking that if I can start working on the right frame of mind, I can get things going on their own instead of waiting another month for the motnhly hormones. Does that make any sense?

I've been looking at F&E's store and was thinking about getting a book but need to limit myself to one. How to Seduce a Man, Tantric Orgasm, For Yourself, and the Goddess Orgasm all look intriguing. I also like erotica but think the self-help books might be more where I need to start. Any input?

The toys also look like fun but hubby doesn't see the need. I think that's a subject that will have to hold until I can get him reassured that the problem the last few years hasn't been him (a concern of his).

Any advice or suggestions - either from the store or in general? Basically trying to go from frumpy, no sex drive, working mom to sex dive (okay - maybe not that extreme but having a "normal" sex life would be wonderful.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

quote:

The toys also look like fun but hubby doesn't see the need. I think that's a subject that will have to hold until I can get him reassured that the problem the last few years hasn't been him (a concern of his).

communication is the secret to success. you'll read that over and over many times in these threads. if you haven't, start by telling him what you've told us here.

sometimes men are uncomfortable about toys because they feel inferior or somewhat taken out of the equation for orgasm. try picking one out together and discuss why you might be interested in a particular item....clitoral or anal stimulation during sex, what might hit your g-spot and stimulate female ejaculation, etc.

get him "hands on" in the process....once things get ramped up, and the orgasms are flowing, it's a wonderful life of togetherness.

quote:

Originally posted by Zoe:
This is very long - sorry

The toys also look like fun but hubby doesn't see the need. I think that's a subject that will have to hold until I can get him reassured that the problem the last few years hasn't been him (a concern of his).

No reason to apologize! That's what we're here for. Welcome to the boards, Zoe! You don't say how old you are, so I'm not sure if the sex drive thing is related to menopause or anything like that. Definitely check with a doctor like your OBGYN, if you continue to have problems or if it is effecting your quality of life, they'll be able to help too! Anyway...

I agree totally with ajay...communication, communication, and, oh yeah, some more communication. If you want, have hubby come in and read your thread after a few others have replied. Tell him what you've told us (at a time when you're not trying to have sex), and have a good conversation about it. Let him know that the Pill can dampen the sex drive, and even tell him about your new "horniness" cycle. He'll probably be really understanding.

As for the toys, as ajay said,

quote:

sometimes men are uncomfortable about toys because they feel inferior or somewhat taken out of the equation for orgasm. try picking one out together and discuss why you might be interested in a particular item....clitoral or anal stimulation during sex, what might hit your g-spot and stimulate female ejaculation, etc.

This seems to be a fairly common thing that guys think. You need to let him know that toys can spice up a sex life, you're not looking for a replacement! Toys can be so fun to use together, whether you have a specific goal like ajay mentioned, or whether you just want to get aroused, or use them to have an orgasm together. Very fun for mutual masturbation too! Thankfully, my husband, B, never had a problem with toys and enouraged me to buy some. He even has the Utamaro for himself, but I actually love using it on him! Let your hubby know that even if you owned every toy in the universe, that your favorite one is attached to him Toys don't provide the closeness, or anything else that a real live person does, espeically when you're in love. Toys just add to the fun, and provide a greater variety of ways to bring each other to climax. Your toys can be used on him, too, B loves it when I use a vibe on his balls when given a BJ.

As for any erotica books, try The Sweet Life and The Sweet Life 2, they're both very good. For online erotica, try True Dirty Stories and LitErotica, both are free and very hot! Definitely something to read together while the kids are away on sleepovers

Most of all, if you're horny, don't question it, just enjoy it! If you're not, you can always try to get in the mood; you're guaranteed a good time! Hope this helps!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Phoenix,

Thanks Ajay and Phoenix.

I found this board about a year ago while desperate to find a way to get rhe sex going again (it was causing serious damage to my marriage). About the same time, the topic came up on a (very conservative) board I’m on and the pill was brought up as being athe possible culprit. I did see my OBGYN and he told me the first thing was getting off the pill and even told me that his wife had experienced the same thing – which gave me hope. (I’m 44 and this had been going on too long to think it was the on-set of menopause). Anyhow, when sudden surge in interest in sex came about and trying to figure out what to next, I remembered this board and thought I would be able to lay everything out and get some helpful responses without people freaking out. I was right and I thank you very much.

Communication – therein lies the rub. I know you are 110% correct. It’s the growing up in a conservative family/being an introvert/self-image issues that I have difficulties overcoming. Odd thing is that, way before I met hubby, I was able to convey to a male acquaintance my fantasy of being with tow guys at one. He made the arrangements much to the shock and delight of his roommate (still can’t believe I did that). Why I was able to do that and yet communicate with my own husband…think it was because I really didn’t care what the first two thought as I had no relationship with either and I moved on shortly after that.

I did bring up the toys a couple of months ago (guess I was starting to “get back to normal” but just didn’t realize it). I mentioned that I was curious what was out there. He mentioned a website he bought from years ago when we were dating (lubes, restraints – all of since thrown out). That’s also when he made the comment about not needing any vibrators, etc. Guess I just need to take a deep breath and learn how to communicate.

Just realize, reading back over what I wrote , that I probably sound odd about being so reserved now. Before hubby, I only basically had done missionary and oral (incl. 69) – the three-way was so out of character for me. It was when I began dating hubby that he got me to be a bit more adventurous and then it all went away. I want to pick back up where we left off.

Enough of my ramblings.

Thanks again.

That's good, Zoe. Since he was interested in toys and stuff at one point, he may be interested again, you never know! Go to the F&E store online and shop together! There are tons of great toys, both that can be used solo or together. If you're looking for a vibe to use together during sex, try the Layaspot. Very fun!

A lot of women have that...well, I don't really want to call it a "problem" because most of us were raised that way....issue, I guess, regarding talking about sex. Most of us were raised to think stuff like, "sex is only something bad girls enjoy", or "good girls don't do THAT". And that's really unfortunate, because it's totally untrue! The easiest way to get over it, is just to do it! Start talking and communicating, and it will get easier with time. After all, neither men or women are mind readers, so how do we expect our partners to know how we feel or what we like? I'm much better about this than I used to be, but sometimes, say, when I'm really horny and want sex, I'll try being subtle at first. Then, I think, "Girl, don't be stupid, B would love it if you were straight-forward and asked for it!" So, I do, and it's great. Good luck!