For each person, there’s a line that one doesn’t cross sexually. In our case it’s anal sex. She enjoys, no ….she absolutely loves anal play. Light touching, tongue, fingers – loves it all. Her orgasms are intense this way.

A while back I was brushing the well lubed stainless steel small end of her Njoy against her anal lips for a while during our foreplay, she grabbed my hand to help guide it in. I figured she wouldn’t want it – so stimulation on the outside would be great. I was wrong. She went wild with her Njoy while I was sucking her clit.

This was all do to small steps of discovery on my part over the years. Even after 25 years, she would never suggest something new. I, through trial and often it seems much error, have found out what works and what doesn’t in sexual play. (as it is in all areas of our life together too).

Yet, as much as she loves the above, the suggestion of perhaps, just once, play anally with my penis is a show-stopper. I get “the look” and a no way are you getting that thing near my butt.

She does kid around about the subject. Driving around doing the usual Saturday chores she’ll point out that we can’t drive down a certain driveway at the store because it says “exit only” with a wink. You don't want to mess up the traffic.

I can certainly live without the experience but figured since she enjoys the anal play – she’d be up to trying me out just once.

Any thoughts?
Rocky

In all this joking, have you ever asked what her hang-up is? I'm sure there's something (the pain, the mess, etc) that she's hooked on being an issue.

You're probably bigger than a toy and might be worried about making a dirty mess. Either sit her down and talk to her or send her here to ask questions and get some anonymous guidance?

From the point of view of a woman who totally hated anal sex and now begs for it........
My big hang-up was always that it was dirty. I mean literally dirty.
We went online and learned how to "clean up" (both me AND my man...he loves anal, too) and that took away the fear of "mess." I highly suggest it.
Maybe there is some other hang-up, I don't know. But since she loved the toy and she jokes about it, I don't think it'll take too much more convincing. You're halfway there.
You'll just have to figure out what the minor holdup is and figure out ways to make her comfortable.

I have to agree, that really having a serious chat about what really turns her off to anal has to be done to have both of you be on the same page. Now realize that you will not get the green light to anal right away. But it is obvious that she does like the sensation of anal play, regardless that it might be just rimming. You both should take a look at one of our links How To and then chat about it together.

I agree! Communication is the best thing for this situation. Just sit down over coffee, and have a no pressure conversation about it.

After you find out what her objections are, you'll know how to proceed.

Every guy has a checklist of stuff to do before they die. Anal is on the list.

Jill is the exact same way. She flatters me by reminding me that I'm the biggest guy she's ever been with, and she just can't handle it. (Sometimes I buy it.) And I can drive her crazy with anal stimulation.

Here's what I came to. Maybe it will happen. Maybe it won't. A couple of things to reflect, is it that it would really be that great, or that it's something you just have to do? "To have a thing is not so nice as to want. It is illogical, but often true." (That's from Trek, pretty deep, huh?) The anus is a bit tighter. but REALLY, is it something you can live without? I'm still panting like a puppy grateful every time I get vaginal sex, I don't need to get greedy for anal. I already have better sex than any of my friends.

Read this month's Playboy with Drew Pinsky, he says something I had heard him say many times before, but he elaborates a bit. The vagina is made for sex. The anus is not. If it's painful, it's not healthy. There is a growing backlash of people who had a lot of anal sex when they were younger, who now have problems such as prolapse (when the colon starts to fall out of the anus,) and the need for sphincter replacement. (How would you like to explain THAT one to the Dr.?) He thinks that the proliferation of porn in the last 20 years, has made it seem like something that's supposed to be on everyone's menu.

MAYBE one day, when were in Vegas, and we've had a bottle of Dom, and she's well warmed up, and I've been working her ass with my fingers, she will look at me and say, "I want you in my ass. Now." I will ask, "Are you sure? It's ok if you're not." She says, "yes, I need it now, I know I'm ready." If that day never comes, I guess I'll have to settle for more amazing sex than any of my friends.

Wow... good perspective... thanks!

That is an awesome perspective from Jack. My wife and I do it sometimes and I am sure I would like it more often, but you bring up a great thing to think about.

quote:

I can certainly live without the experience but figured since she enjoys the anal play – she’d be up to trying me out just once.

in the hundred years i was married to my first wife, i penetrated her once for about 30 seconds....never again.

my second wife likes anal as much as i do although she'd only done it a couple of times prior. it's all in the learning together and overcoming inhibitions.

just my 2 cents.....

First, GREAT post, Jack. There's no way to say it better than you just did.

I'm in the strange position in that my wife will go for anal if I want, but I don't want. For some reason, sticking Mr. Happy into her poop hole just doesn't hold much stock for me. Sure, I like to stimulate her a little around the anus, but fucking her there unless she REALLY wants it doesn't turn me on at all. In fact, watching all that anal porn has made me even LESS attracted to doing her anally.

In a weird way I almost think many men are attracted to the fact that it causes pain, whereas vaginal sex (in most cases) does not. The mysogynistic aspects, in other words, are what drive many men to their girls' asses. The endless stream of huge dicks shoved into tight teen asses in porn means there's a market for it, and I can tell you from our many encounters with porn stars that they rarely like it and that it HURTS like hell.

Okay, I just posted on a related topic, double penetration, so I guess I'm on a roll, or the Merlot has kicked in. I'm in the camp of whatever two, or more, consenting adults want to do is okay no matter how unappealing it might be to me personally.

Amazingly enough, I agree with Freddy, this holds no appeal for me in any shape, form, or fashion. Yes, I tried it for in an old relationship. Did absolutely nothing for me, yes it was very uncomfortable, i.e. it hurt, and the guy was getting off from a ego standpoint.

If a couple wants to explore, go for it, if only one part of the couple wants to try it, sorry. It takes two to tango

quote:

In a weird way I almost think many men are attracted to the fact that it causes pain

it doesn't cause pain when done properly. most pornos don't show anyone dripping with lube, so i'm sure in those cases at is painful for the actress (maybe actress is stretching it a bit...pun intended) or fuckee. and no i've never come out with poop on my dick....for those of you who are lurking and wondering.

I did.

Came out with a poop stick.

This happened once with a girlfriend and once with the wife.

I decided it wasn't for me.

I don't even like to see it in porn because it is hard to get that image out of my head.

I know all about "preparation" but you shouldn't have to work that hard when you want to have fun.

I don't remember having a discussion about it. I think it just kind of ended up in that general area and they didn't say no.

http://www.freddyandeddy.com/store/Holiday_Gifts_Under_20/Anal_Douche.html

It takes 20 minutes and you can read a magazine while you're in there.

Great insight from all! Thanks!

Natural curiosity got me thinking in this direction in the first place due to her proclivity to having her ass caressed, touched, kissed and penetrated with ever larger and larger toys.

As I mentioned before she’s hinted at the possibility of trying it. That said, it’s more of a curiosity for me, not a requirement, – would she like it? Today? No. Tomorrow? Perhaps but I’m fine with a fabulous sex live with loads of variety without anal sex. If she someday decides she wants to give it a go. I’m all hers. If not, I’m still all hers.