Hi- I'm new here... I've been searching for site exactly like this and am glad to have found it. Hoping you have some suggestions for me.

My hubby and I have been married about 10 years. When we have sex things are generally very, very good.

But I am feeling ignored these days.

He works very early hours- and generally goes to bed at the same time the kids do (if he doesn't fall asleep on the couch before their bedtime).
So if I want sex- I get to wake him up. Quite frankly, I'm tired of being the one to carry all the responsibility of us having a sex life.

A friend suggested morning sex- but that would mean he would have to wake me up, and usually he starts his morning with a round of internet porn.

Any ideas on us finding the time for sex? How do I get him to think about sex with me- rather than online porn? I know he loves me, I know he does find me attractive. I just get so tired of being aggressive one. I want him to want me enough to do something about it.

And I hate the insecure feelings this brings up in me- that maybe he really does prefer the porn to me. Or I'm being selfish that I'd rather have sex than have him get sleep that he needs.

Any ideas would be helpful. We don't really have the extra funds to be hiring a babysitter and going to a motel on the weekend. We don't have much in the way of freinds or family to babysit either.

lysa_b

Hi lysa_b, and welcome to the boards. Finding time for sex can be very tricky for couples who keep differently schedules, especially those with kids (not that I would know). Have you talked to your husband about these feelings you've expressed?

Sometimes I prefer porn to my boy because a) it's faster and I'm busy; b) it's all about me; and c) it's just easier. Although I do love sex with my boy, sometimes I just want to get off without all the complications. Perhaps this is how your husband feels?

As for making time, we usually have sex after work around here. I get up early and the boy goes to bed late, so 4-8pm is the only time when we're both reliablaby awake and willing. It's a nice way to reconnect and decompress at the end of the work day. How old are your kids? Old enough to understand that you two are going to take some adult time while they watch TV or something?

I think the key is that you need to make it happen, but that you're tired of feeling the responsiblity lies soley on your shoulders. My boy leaves all sexual initiation up to me for various reasons, but I'm not shy about telling him "6:00 tonight, be there or be square". If your husband is going to leave the ball in your court, I think he should be prepared to play by your rules.

Good luck!

dp

just a thought but how about one night going to bed early and letting him wake you up in the morning. Then you have both had plenty of sleep. Maybe he's concerned that if he's waking you up on a morning you are not getting enough sleep so uses the online porn instead of waking you.
I think you are going to have to talk to him about maybe just for the heck of it jumping your bones once in a while!

you could

a) if possible call him during the day or get ahold of him at somepoint and let him know something sexy... get together for lunch etc

b)wake him up by doing something hot.. i.e. blowjob..

but you said you didnt want to always initiate. so I would go with c

c) When you go to sleep get into something sex.. i .e. lingerie.. or nude.. if you think he may not notice that your nude/hot and ready since your fast asleep. Post a postit on the computer asking him to wake you up.. or something hot (not too hot incase the kids might see) and hopefully he will come back and see you ready... if need be post a postit near yourself also... saying that you want him to wake you up.

Or
d) same as the above but as a scavenger hunt. first from the computer to the bathroom drawer where he will find a cock ring and then to the dresser where he will find your panties with a note attached saying "see these.. im not wearing them right now.." etc.. but remember it cant be too long he does have to leave soon.
(remember for c and d ... you should have somesort of quick breakfast because you will be taking up his time)

e) perhaps you could send the kids to a friends house for when he comes home... be naked ..

Oh and if C or D dont work... he ignore the note.. pull the plug on the net for a day. Even if it means tampering of the wires. and let him know you want it.

let him know that porn is fine, but he can cum and wake you when he is all fired up. Let him get all worked up in the morning so long as you both benefit.

Sometimes I prefer porn to my boy because a) it's faster and I'm busy; b) it's all about me; and c) it's just easier.

How old are your kids? Old enough to understand that you two are going to take some adult time while they watch TV or something?

I think he should be prepared to play by your rules.

Good luck!

dp[/QUOTE]

I generally use porn to get myself revved up enough to want to wake him up. I know that if I do go that route that -all the work is up to me, there will be very little participation on his part (other than providing a cock to ride) - there also won't be much intimacy (like kissing and stuff) bc that dragon breath can come on fast.

I've got 2 hours between the time I walk in the door from work, and the time kids and hubby generally go to bed. This timeframe includes getting dinner on the table, and course the kids need some mom time too. Hmmm. Will have to think on that further.

I do think we need to talk, I don't even know when or how to bring it all up. I appreciate the advice.

uNF_Rena:

lots of excellent ideas you've given me to think about!

Going to bed nude probably is my best bet,and it is getting colder here- which will require more snuggling. I have never been much of a nude sleeper, guess I will have to correct that!

Monkey & tigzbabe:

I will have to remind him that (again) that waking me up is okay also. Sometimes my hubby will brag about his "super sex drive" that he wants it all the time but that he doesn't want to always be bothering me. I've told him that I'd welcome it whenever he wants it, but I will try telling him again.

Thanks everyone for your advice and ideas!

Lysa,
just one more sympathy note on the insecurity issue of not wanting to always be the initiator.
I will give you a parallel story that may help you see my point.
I have a problem with the fact that my husband does not take pictures of me, he just doesn't care about photography. I on the other hand love taking photos, editing them, framing them, giving them as gifts, etc. On the other hand, I have some insecurity that I am not good-looking enough and feel that if only he would take many, many pictures of me, in the end there might be a few that make me look gorgeous. (I know, pathetic, but at least I am admitting it - first step in solving the problem.) So, anyway, every time I think: I wish he would take a photo of me right now, I immediately go: oh, no this is like begging for attention. so I don't ask. I have mentioned something a couple of times and he says: "no problem, I will take more pictures of you, I just forget because I am not interested in photography at all." And then he really forgets and that's that.
So, if you had to give me some advice, what would you say? Just ask him every time to take the damn pictures, what is the big deal. he wouldn't think how pathetic you are, nobody would think anything, asking somebody to take your picture is so normal.
Now, translate this to your case: just ask him every time. don't worry about initiating. As long as you know what you want, just go and get it. Men are just lazy sometimes.
In your schedule, it seems that early mornings are the best time, set your alarm 5 min before he wakes up. After several times it will become a natural routine and replace the internet sessions.
good luck

I have this cycle that I go through- that for about 1 week a month I freak out over things that might not normally bother me so much- and I was in the thoes of htis week when I posted here (for anybody who cares, this is always the week after I complete my period)

I've done a couple things since my post.... with some nice results!

* I am not a nude sleeper, but I also dont have any sexy but comfortable items to sleep in. That is going to change. I went and bought some new panties that were all about what he would like. Harder to find are the "sexy enough for him, covered up enough to be around the kids, comfortable enough to sleep in" pajamas.

* After getting home from the gym, and a shower I wore my new sexy panties and child appropriate but sexy pj's for the evening.

* At bedtime, I ended up sleeping in the tank top and panties.... now I didn't get any that night BUT

I got a very welcome wakeup! And not only that, an encore in the afternoon... a quickie while the kids watched tv.

I appreciate everybody's advice and thoughts!

YAY!!! if you want sexier items for sleeping.. go for it and just buy a robe for aroudn the kids. I personally am not a big fan of heat. i like being cool and i always found robes to be big and fleecy or too heavy or something.. eventually i found the perfect one.. my moms old robe. She sewed it for herself and its a dark maroon it feels nice but its thing and covers everything. But if your not like me and fleece doesnt make your skin crawl.. id invest in a robe..

I am so glad that everything worked out
Serena

wow, lysa, I didn't see your post until today, but I'm glad things are going better for you now! It's nice to hear when things come together like that, and yes, agree with Rena, a robe would be good for those pj's that aren't good to wear around the kids.

Another thing you might like to do is to slip a little note in his lunch (? if he takes it, or anything else you know will go with him to work), with a small written sample of what you'd like to do to him. Or, better yet, what you'd like him to do to you. Or even a sexy pic, if you don't think anyone else will find it. That way, he'll be thinking about you during the day, getting all hot, which is always a good thing.

on that note.. thank goodness for polaroids!! Or maybe you should send the kids away to grandmas for the weekend.. mmm bubble baths

digital cameras, nice printer....love technology

Thanks again for more great ideas!

and to follow up with Rena's suggestion of a robe...they don't have to be fleecey . I'm a fan of the robe, I've got 4. Three of them are satin and lace--2 short and one long. The Fella always says it's like Christmas when we're in bed--he always gets to unwrap the present.