Here's My Question:

The one thing that I've never truly been able to master is once my school year ends (this time it will be truly done for good), I can't seem to get into the erotic mind frame. Now this bugs me due to me wanting to try new things with Jay, yet not being able to conjure up anything via the brain.

Also, I want to become more wild in my thought process and it just seems like I'm still in 'bookworm girl' mode, thinking more towards stuff platonic.. Any ideas?
Also, please direct me if this has already been covered..

~Kathy~

If I'm preoccupied or thinking about something else (i.e. NOT sexy things), and I want to get in the sexy mindframe, I try to have a little fantasy time. Maybe I'll fantasize about what I'm going to do to B later or he to me, or about a celebrity, or read some erotica. Reading erotica really does it for me! Check out some of the links F&E have under their erotica section. I can personally recommend literotica and truedirtystories. Both very hot The Sweetlife books are also very good.

Use the books/erotica to find something sexy you want to try with Jay. I get some good ideas from these, and it's worth a try!

On the other hand, you could play up the "bookworm" image, and do a little roleplaying. Get a sexy schoolgirl outfit together, and have fun Hope this helps, Kathy.

Even if I left school several years ago I have developed a similar "problem" (is it really a problem though?). Partly it is because I am a bit winter depressive. Partly it´s got to do with art. FOr some reasons or other in the last two or three years I found myself painting flowers and gardens from january to june and nudes from july to december. These things really tend to prey on my fantasy quite a bit, with the funny result that I feel naughtier and more naturally inclined towards funny experiments later in the year. It does not mean I don´t want to have sex for six month a year or anything like that. Just that things are a bit tamer. You, know, innocent girl with basket of flowers and so on .

I haven´t found a real solution for this. But I am glad I am not the only one!

I kind of go through this also. My hubby and I work together and it is a family business. So it is hard not to bring it home.

Reading erotica is always good, however my engines tend to really get revved by writing erotica. Both are great.

Something we do even during the school year if I'm getting really burned out (sheesh, it's the first week of class and I'm already spontaneously combusting!) is start IMing more. This is because I'm usually upstairs hiding from the world with my laptop, surrounded by books. The only way anyone will get a hold of me is by coming upstairs and risking the evil eye of doom or IMing me, very carefully at first. I only look at my IMs every ten or fifteen minutes, but if Ranger IMs me with naughtiness, especially if he works it in slowly with transition, he can have me rarin' to go by the time he comes up to bed and the laptop gets closed.

Part of the reasoning for this is that I need transition. I can't just go straight from one mindset to another. If I'm stressing about finding a topic for a tech paper, I can't get kinky. But if he IMs me with, "I bet you look just like a naughty librarian right now," or, "You should be doing your homework naked," and other similar things, it really works. Times like this he really has to take the initiative to get my mind into transition mode.

Something to consider is also taking five or ten minutes every single day, even the busy study intensive ones (or work intensive), to do something that has some erotic flavor to it. Even if it's just reading a quick short erotic story. Something I like to do is make a list (from the online BDSM checklist that I'll be reviewing soon)of 5-10 things I'd like to try, then weaving a quick fantasy about how it might work. It can be great material for creative writing too.

~Ang

First -- Give it time. You need to transistion. Being busy is a way of life now.

My wife is a school teacher and during the school year all her attention is focused on the 120 students. We have time on the weekend but we both long for Summer Vacation. Even then, it takes some time for her to become "Summer Wife".

Something that helps her during the school ytear keep focus is to plan something for the weekend. Nothing complex or extravagant but what she would like to do on Friday or Saturday night. Something like a story night where you both read dirty stories, or a bath night, or movie night, or simply a cuddle/talking night (Lord knows we do not talk enough). It allows her to be a little myopic and get her engine running. Much like Ang's suggestion about. Anything that provide you focus when there is chaos around you.

Good Luck.

Thanks guys and gals for the comments. There were a few things in there that I really didn't even think to try.

I used to, in high school, write erotic stories of what I wanted to happen once I lost my virginity. Normally, it was regarding the guy's place i was at but I didn't describe anything too much, rather described myself to a T because this way I could imagine myself most, and could add stuff around me as I went.

I haven't truly ever read erotica because I have always been told by 'classmates/schoolmates' that it was corny and that it didn't work. Now my mindframe works well with words being made into imagery as well as still pictures. Probably why I like the photo gallery from F&E so much!

Anyways, I think the best way of putting what I wish to say is this- I'm the type that unless there is something, ANYTHING for that matter to trigger my sex drive to unwind and get the engine running, (Jay is the main thing currently) I can't really get into anything. Prior to this semester, I was able to turn on, say, Much Music, see a sexy video (the ones that are horrible stuff for women's respect) and actually get aroused by said things. Now I can't even watch sex tv and do so.... maybe its just the fact that my semester is the most demanding one yet, i don't know... hopefully after exams, it will work out better, mind off of school and on my future career.

Anyone else have suggestions? Feel free to add!
~Kathy~

Kathy, I agree with everyone else. First, allow yourself time to unwind. Stress is the single greatest killer of a sex drive. It is absolutely normal. Give yourself time to sleep, relax, and get your mind out of "schooltime". Do some things just for you, long baths, go lingerie shopping (even if you don't purchase anything), go to the bookstore and check out some erotica. I've found most people who look down upon erotica haven't really read it. There are all kinds, straight erotica, romantica, BDSM, polyamory, the list goes on. Your bookstore should have an erotica section, or it might be in a section near the romances. Go to a store with some comfortable chairs and read a bit of it, you might find something you like. If someone looks down their nose at you, smile sweetly and ignore them. They are probably just jealous. It will come back, just don't make a big deal out of it. That is the worst thing you could do.

quote:

Originally posted by Qadesh:
I've found most people who look down upon erotica haven't really read it. If someone looks down their nose at you, smile sweetly and ignore them. They are probably just jealous.

That is very true. I've found that If I wish to read something, you have to have no hesitation about it, sexual or not. More so with sexual though. Ive never personally read an erotica book or anything of the such but I will be eventually once a job is started in London for myself.

~Kathy~