My girlfriend and I are going through a stage where sex is "boring". She just does not seem in to it, a lot of the passion is gone. If she's not into it, either am I. We have been together for 8 years and never had this problem before. We were seperated for 10 months and both of us had other partners. when we got back together this is when the passion left. She says that it will never be the same again, I disagree. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks

Lot of ideas, find out each others fantasies or fetishes, what was different when seperated, do you watch porn together and what is each person's fav porn? Ask her what she thinks needs to happen to spice things up. Ever consider swinging or maybe same room sex with another couple, watch each other? Some swingers start that way, then progress to swap or 3 somes.

Well first off it sounds like there are some other root issues that you should be dealing with.

Why was there the 10 month seperation?

A good sex life springs from good communication, love, carring and desire to please your partner. If that isn't there the sex life won't be there.

So my bet is, if you take care of the root isues you have a much better chance of making things interesting again.

But the fact that she says it will never be the same doesn't sound good. There has to be a reason why it will never be the same. Again my bet is that there is some base issue that is making it hard for her to attach emotionally to you. She may be back out of comfortalbleness to your relationship or some other need. If someone comes out and says it will never be the same either you did something to change her base perception or she has done something to change her base perceptions of the realtionship. You really need to figgure out what that is and deal with it or your just signing up for a lot of misery.

Deal with the relaionship issues before you start working on the bedroom issues. be honest with yourself too. If someone says it will NEVER be the same are they willing to work toward fixing things?

The lack of good "root issues" is what seperated us. Now these things are great, we have really come a long way and are relationship is perfect, except the sex part. Before are "root issues" were bad and sex good, now its the opposite.

Even though you say the root issues are good, it's possible there is still some underlying guilt, jealousy, or other feelings that might be related to the separation. Without letting go of those, it's going to be tough to have that passion.

Have you tried anything to give it a kick start like a romantic/sexy vacation? Some other ideas might just be to do something completely out of character or over the top to try to sweep her back off her feet.

quote:

We were seperated for 10 months and both of us had other partners. when we got back together this is when the passion left.

I think Heroic and Buckshot make good points. I'm curious:

What caused you to separate? Whose idea was it? How does she feel about her former partner? How does she feel about your former relationship?

We talked and maybe fixed the problem. She only likes to have sex a couple times a week, but we do it everyday because I like to. So she is not really in the mood, but does it for me.

The problem is when I have sex, I go for a long time. This does not appeal to her when she is in the "quicky" mood.

The last time we had sex(today), I came quick and it seemed to definately be more enjoyable. Hopefully this solved are problem.

quote:

Originally posted by Tman69:
She only likes to have sex a couple times a week, but we do it everyday because I like to. So she is not really in the mood, but does it for me.

How about some kind of compromise? Like going a day or two without. In my opinion, sex is only good when both parties are into it.

I agree with Heroic and Buck that there could be some underlying issues that probably need to be discussed. I also think that FlyGuy asks some good questions that should be anwered.

I have to agree with Moonkiss about the compromise. When M and I first got together, he wanted to do it every morning and every night. After a while, it became more of a chore for me rather than an expression of love and intimacy between us. We had to find some sort of balance and compromise.

It is truly unfair, that men peak at 18, and women after 30.

I think that the best thing is to communicate and be willing to explore. Looking in here, for example. Just the idea that a couple is willing to explore and listen to ideas from others will do a lot to keep it in the front of their minds.

Jack and Jill, The only peak that men reach at 18 is sperm production. I have to tell you that 37 is a hell of a lot better than 18.

I agree with Heroic (all right Freddy don't panic!) G at nearly 63 is a much better lover than he was at 26 when we first met. 18 year olds tend to be "Wam bam thank you Mam" - no offence meant to Wolf or any other 18 year old on the boards!

And YES get to enjoy sex much more in their 30s than they did when they were 18... I enjoy it even more in my 50s than I did in my 30s so...

Any ideas on how to 'get in the mood' when you're exhausted from new events in your life like a change in career or starting school?

Hi S&SM! One idea that came to mind was maybe taking a nice hot bath and listening to whatever music you find soothing and relaxing. Perhaps that would revitalize you enough to help get you in the mood.

I'm anxious to see other ideas... so come on everyone, let's help each other out here! If I could go back in time with this information I would re-do some things in my past! I'd certainly make the effort to get myself in the mood instead of letting myself succumb to thinking that I was just "too tired for sex". Lately I've found it to be rejuvenating. To borrow from Nike, "Just Do It!"

Kudos to you S&SM for making the effort to find ways to overcome!

quote:

Originally posted by Heroic:
Jack and Jill, The only peak that men reach at 18 is sperm production. I have to tell you that 37 is a hell of a lot better than 18.

Dude, I thought you were old and over the hill.