Soooo i'm back.. I hope.

I guess I want to share my fears, and hopefully get some feedback.

Theo is 23, and lives in a townhouse. The townhouse is owned by his sister and his parents. I believe they bought it for (lets say) 70,000. His sister had 3 jobs during the summers of grade 11 and 12... or something. And she saved all of that money (something like 25000 to 30000) and their parents didnt want to do the mortgage thing with it..s o they asked, and she put her money into the townhouse.
Theo's parents have their own home 6 hours away. They bought this when theo was 20 and tat was 18 or something... it was a place for them to be to go to school. Theo left school but continued to live there. His sister got a dorm this year. Shes becoming a dentist (she is super determined), so this next school year she needs the money (30000) for tution. So his parents are contemplating selling. However they want a place to stay when them come and visit.

Ok ... if you wanted to you didnt have to read that. Anyway.

It occured to theo and I that his parents could get a mortgage for 30,000 and we would pay it, and also pay his parents to buy off their part of the house too.. So I would move in and help pay for the mortgage. ( i wouldnt feel comfortable living in a home his sister had a say in... me and her dont always see eye to eye. Probably because shes territorial... and it would be her territory.)
So money would be a little tight.. not impossible to do.. It would solve all those little problems. and Theo and I would acutally have equity.. but I am only 19, so it seems sort of scary. Not to mention the whole moving out for the first time.. needless to say again.. I am really scared. But I do know I need to grow up, move out and make my own life.

Serena

P.S. any input would be awesome... since we havent really gone to his parents yet with this idea. I'm pretty sure theyd be cool with the mortgage.. but... they are sort of old fashioned and might not like me living with theo.. bah!!

Hey Rena
I can't really comment much on this issue since I still live at home with my parents but I wanted to welcome ya back to the boards and tell ya how much we all missed you!!!

At the end of the day your heart will tell you what the best thing to do is. I hope it all works out!

Rena, I guess my question is 'Is this something you and Theo reaally want to do or will you just be doing it to help his parents out?' On the finance side make sure you consider all the implications of buying - not just the mortgage but all that goes with owning property - upkeep of house, utility bills etc. And - my two cents - if you can afford it and want to then go for it! You can always sell later.

nah its not just for his parents... thats just a perk. they want a place to stay when they visit their kids.. but most of all theo doesnt want to move. he is a hardcore geek and bringing his amount of computers into a tiny apartment would suck. We have friends in his area.. and we hang out with his neighbors a lot. Theo has been handling the payment of utilities for awhile.. actually the entire time they have lived there.
We know that there would be a lot of work settling everything. a contract would have to be made up. some sort of agreement.
We know we could sell at anytime.. plus we would have equity.
Apartments here are about 700 a month, and the mortgage would be about 3-400 dollars a month plus we could throw on a couple hundred more a month to pay his parents for the rest of the house. So we pay about the same per month.. but in one case its like putting it into a savings account, and on the other its like putting the money on the BBQ.
Plus theos townhouse is a 4 bedroom townhouse, with a basement and 2 floors... and he doesnt have to move. So many pluses.. but im still afraid..
not to mention his parents might not be keen on us living together.

Serena

P.S. thanks
and This whole idea itself has brought theo and I closer. I have no fear of commitment, but I am afraid the person I love is. But Theo got excited thinking about painting a room for us, and waking up next to me etc.. so we are ready relationship wise for this. I'm just worried.

Sounds like it could be really great for the two of you. Would his parents have any say about the two of you living together? And your parents??

Rena, the main thing to consider is unless your name is there on the title, "we" doesn't have any equity, Theo has it all. Not that I expect any bad things to befall you, but the issue is, if you're anticipating this being an investment for you as well as him, then you need to be included on the title paperwork as one of the owners. Until that happens or you get married, you're a rent paying roomy with excellent benefits.

I agree 100% with buckshot77. Until there is a ring on your finger or your name is on the title be careful.

I know a guy who dated a girl for 5 years and he got her a credit card, with both thier names on it. They were going to get married but the day she broke up with him she charged $12,000 worth of merchandise. He is still paying for that mistake 5 years later.

Serena, I agree with Buckshot77 & Heroic.

If everything works out, great! If not, here are some unromantic but real questions:

Which of you would move out? If you, would you then be paying rent somewhere, plus covering part of the mortgage on your investment until he sells? Or not? Would he sell? If so, could he cover the mortgage by himself until the sale is final? What if he defaults? That would affect your credit, and you could lose your equity. How do you agree on a sale price? Etc. If he doesn't sell, could he afford to buy you out? If he moves out, same questions in reverse. How would he feel leaving a house that was originally "his family's"? Etc. You also have the issues of who paid the mortgage and bills during the time you were together.

If you're not married, it's better to make a clear contract and agree to the terms now, while you're on good terms. Having a workable exit scenario in hand might make his parents feel better about financing part of it. An attorney specializing in divorce mediation could probably help you with this, although that sounds worse than I mean it.

Sounds like a positive possibility for the two of you. These are just mechanics to consider. Hope it works out as you dream it will.

Wow, we have the smartest little group here!

I don't have anything to add Rena, just wanted to say welcome back. I've been wondering about you. Hope we get to see ya around lots again!

S

ok well my mom is about 1 million dollars in debt... why? her ex husband screwd her over. Bought a new truck and a whole lot of things.. and then fell of the face of the earth leaving my mom with my eldest brother.. who was just a baby.My mom mostly got screwd because she cosigned. She had to go to school and work 2 jobs. Trust me... there wont be a repeat of that. Just because you love someone doesnt mean you shouldnt watch out for #1, just incase.
We know that there would be contracts made. Theos parents would have to decide on how much they are selling it to us. maybe they go with the amount they paid, or the actual worth of the townhouse. Even if its under theos name, there will be some sort of legal thing .. or something.. mind you i'm not sure what its like where you guys are.. but common law kicks in here after 6 months. I would cover all my bases...
Which really is all my parents care about.. They think its a good idea, and helped me learn more about mortgages. They really are very supportive.

However.. Theo's parents we arent so sure about. He is 23. And we both believe in living with each other before marrying. If they really want to know all of our plans.. theo doesnt want to pop the question till im 20.. which means at least a year.. and we want to wait till 2012 till we marry. Honestly, we are in no rush for the married couple status. I would like to make sure I know Theo very well first.
Theo however has gotten the impression that his parents believe in having on partner... in no sex before the wedding bells. The reason they believe this is something about Theo's father having had another woman before Theos mom, and he regrets it. It would be very unfair for them to push their experiences on us. But we just dont know. :S

Serena

P.S. My gut turns...
oh and theo and I are thinking, if this doesnt work, that we will save up until we can move into a condo, with a mortgage.

So you are looking at alternatives and options - good! It also means, to me at elast, that you are both serious about this.

sooooo things arent working out.

We found out his parents didnt live together until they were married. And believe in that. Which sucks for Theo and I. Then they gave examples of couples who lived together before getting married. Like his aunt susan, who married paul.. they had kids... and he hit them. Some how I am compared. Oh and Paul also went from job to job.. so now I need a career. Man... I should just make a resume. Grrr.
So we have to talk to them.. and they HAVE to understand that Theo and I believe in living together for years before marrying. And that we dont want to get married till 2012.

Now when this all went down... it occured to me that my parents know how much I love theo, and they hear me tell him, and they can see it with their own eyes. But theo's parents dont see us often, and theo has never asked for their addvice, or told them he loves me. So... Should we talk to his parents about that? Should we tell them that we didnt mean to but always seemed to show little affection around them, and that we do love each other?

Oh and I get the feeling... they dont think we are going to last. Bah!

I know im 19... and most 19 yr olds like to paaaarty!! But I dont. I dont like drinking, or doing drugs (Pot is very very very easy to get up here in Canada). Theo and I are at that stage where I want to live with him, he wants to live with me.. and it makes sense. I see him 4 out of the 7 days a week, and that means I drive an hour per day... half an hour there, half an hour back.. thats a LOT of gas. anyway. suggestions?

Serena

P.S. When I told my parents they told me that if it comes down to it they always like to invest. I.e. buy a little townhouse, and rent it to us. Which is cool.. since they technically own my bros house.

Rena - not sure what to say, I think you guys are doing the right thing (for you) by living together and moving towards marriage. I also think it is madness in this day and age to get married without living together! Given our age G and I were at the beginning of the 'living-together before marriage' bit... I am soooooo glad we had spent time together before we got married. How to deal with Theo's parents? Be nice, be polite - neither is probably going to work... especially if they see you as a 'scarlet woman' dear god they should be singing phrases that their son is sensible enough try out his relationship with you before marrying!

At least your parents have offered a back stop so you can relax knowing that is there.

Our daughter-in-law's parents are strict catholics and when they discovered (after the event) that she had been (just) pregnant at the wedding there was a serious fall out - we just gave thanks and blessed the new wee one!

I bought a place when I was 21 and it was a wise financial move in the Vancouver market. Granted, I went into the deal solo but I certainly don't think that 19 is too young to buy. At 30 I am very financially comfortable despite being a student, mostly because of that condo. My neice bought her first place just out of high school, at 18. Just a bachelor suite condo in Ottawa, but she sold it for 30K more than she paid 3 years down the road, and was able to put a big downpayment on the acreage she has now. If you go into it well-informed, real estate is usually a wise investment.

Yes, if you don't get a ring on your finger or your name on some papers, Theo could choose to screw you over financially etc. That's something that you need to judge the potential for based on what you know of him. You have always struck me as mature for your age (as I was mature for mine at 19) and if you don't see it being a problem, it's probably not a problem. You guys are young and there's a definite chance that things won't work out for you in the long-run, but if you are decent and integral people you should be able to work out something equitable if there's a split down the line. It might be worth writing up an agreement with the help of a lawyer, but I wouldn't let the vague threat stand in the way of doing something that makes sense to you emotionally and financially.

I do recommend that you wrap your head around exactly what a mortgage is before you get tied into one. When I bought my first place my father sat me down and walked me through them, and I'm so glad that he did. I like the tool posted here:

http://ray.met.fsu.edu/~bret/amortize.html

Be sure to print off an amortization schedule, and to look at how the principal payments balance against the interest payments over the life of a mortgage. Unless you can make extra payments towards your principal early on in the mortgage, you won't gain much equity.

Good luck with it all,

dp

Thanks! My mom actually works for landtitles here... and she kinda schooled me in mortgages. I'm not entirely sure what she does at work.. but that she works for the gov. and that it has to do with owning property.
Annnnyway.
Right now... I am a little distracted from the home buying. I WILL live with Theo before marrying him...I dont know how but I will.

the reason I am distracted? Theo popped the question last night. I'm engaged ... and I cant stop smiling. We also reconsidered the date, and we are bumping it up to 2008. that took us awhile to get our heads around.. but I'M ENGAGED!!! w00t!

Serena

P.S. WOOOOOOOO