Does it mean that sometimes you have to suck it up and do things that you don't want to do? Or does it mean that you don't have to do anything you don't want to ever again?

I'm not talking about sustaining things that you have to do like going to work or paying your mortgage, I'm talking about truly optional things like having dinner with someone you don't like.

Any thoughts / experience with this?

it means both. you get to prioritize.
N.

I will go a bit further -- It means both and neither. You may have to get up early to get to a job you love. Or you may have dinner with your family and you have to eat your Brussell Sprouts that your significant other has prepared lovingly AND to set an example to your kids. But you also can take you significant other out to dinner and totally ignore your veggies.

It means being absolutely held accountable and responsible for everything I do. Think everything through twice and all of the possible ramifications. (more so as a parent)

For me it means putting all the pretense of youth aside and being honest at all times.

That doesnt sound very evil to me Freddy...

N.

talking about SEX with your children....

from today's chicago tribune::

Teens have sex but don't have the facts

Dawn Turner Trice
March 17, 2008

Alternatives, a North Side youth agency, recently held three forums for teenagers ages 14 to 19. The series was called "Let's Talk about Sex." And talk, they did.

In a co-ed forum, the teens pondered contraception. One well-meaning young man stood and said aluminum foil could be used in lieu of a condom. Other teens offered up myths such as the efficacy of plastic baggies, having sex while standing and bathing right after sex.

Adults in attendance informed the students that none of those methods protected against unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases.

Dawn Turner Trice Dawn Turner Trice Bio | E-mail | Recent columns

Last week, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported the results of a study it conducted of girls ages 14 to 19. The study found that one in four teenage girls has an STD. That's more than 3 million teens. Nearly half of the black girls studied had an STD. The rate was 20 percent for both white and Mexican-American girls.

That's astounding.

These teens live in this hyper- sexualized world, but too many parents are loath (or ill-equipped) to engage their children in a substantive conversation about sex.

As the parent of a 13-year-old daughter, I know it ain't easy. But think "aluminum foil" and we've got some explaining to do.

Chicago Public Schools, for one, made comprehensive sex education mandatory last year for 6th through 12th graders. That's a good start. But while the state requires schools to teach HIV/AIDS prevention, sadly there are no statewide standards for comprehensive sex-education programs.

Keisha Farmer-Smith is with Alternatives' girl empowerment program, Girl World. She said the group supplements sex education by creating a safe place where girls can talk candidly, role play and think critically about a safe-sex plan and condom use (the best way to protect against STDs) long before they're in the throes of sex.

The talks also are designed to help them steer clear of such deviances as the increasingly popular "rainbow parties," where girls apply different colors of lipstick before taking turns having oral sex with teen boys.

"A lot of my young women have friends or know young girls who have STDs in their mouth or throat," Farmer-Smith said.

Dr. William Wong, medical director with the Chicago Department of Public Health STD/HIV/AIDS division, said in Illinois and Chicago, the most common reportable STDs are chlamydia and gonorrhea. (The most common STD is human papillomavirus, or HPV, but doctors aren't required to report those cases to the health department.)

Young women ages 13 to 19 made up about a third of the city's 23,536 chlamydia cases in 2006 and about 26 percent of the city's 9,853 gonorrhea cases that same year. One problem with STDs is that only a handful of those infected have symptoms such as vaginal itching, burning or discharge. Most don't, and an untreated infection could cause infertility or cervical cancer. (The STD/HIV statewide information line is 800-243-AIDS.)

"We've succeeded in bringing down the teen pregnancy rate among some groups of girls," Farmer-Smith said. "But we've totally failed them in the area of STDs."

You're thinking: Why not just teach abstinence only? Well, that works best for teens living in bamboo huts on remote islands without TV sets or the Internet. Girls have gotten the message about oral contraceptives and others, but too many haven't found their voices when it comes to demanding that their partners wear a condom. Young women need to be able to tell their guys to back off until they slip into something that, in the end, will make them both a lot more comfortable.

And maybe even keep them alive.

It's totally ridiculous that we can have horrible violence on TV and in the news, but talking about sex (a natural, positive thing) is a huge no no. We can't have REAL sex ed because god forbid we acknowledge that young people are having sex.

We can see someone get their head blown off and think, "meh." We see a bit of, well - bits, and all hell breaks loose.

I agree with Foggy and ajay...it's crazy that abstinence only is still taught without proper attention paid to birth CONTROL methods. There's plenty of evidence out there (studies, etc) that show that abstinence only teaching does not delay first intercourse, in fact, "well informed" teens actually had sex later, and had lower rates of pregnancy. I don't have a link for this, but I vividly remember reading about these studies in college.

As for the "adult" question, I believe that the first two responses hit the nail on the head. Being an adult involves a bit of both. We have to go to work each day, but on the other hand we also get to decide where we go on vacation, etc. I think the main parts of being an adult is making your own decisions, and holding and being held accountable for your own actions.

Just to get past "a little bit of both" (which I agree) I'm going to continue on what some of you have touched on.

The difference between a "truly mature adult" and "a waste of air and resources." Most of us fall in between these extremes, and hopefully it's closer to the first rather than the latter.

We've already mentioned a few things that would fall under "a truly mature adult" such as accountability toward your own actions, but try doing so when you can get away with it. Also, basic consideration for others. Not being passive-aggressive. Trustworthiness. Every gain in your life was gained honestly. Ect... (I'll leave it open for others to add and/or comment on)

Then the other extreme... you know these people. You see them daily (especially in LA). the ones who are not voluntarily single but remain single for many years and they think everyone else is the problem. the ones who don't have many friends but the ones they do have they can't trust because they're just like them. Where the rules of consideration applies only to them. I'm not going to list because it's just the opposite of the paragraph above.

For adults with kids, they truly are a reflection of you. and some things may really be revealing. Kids see past what you teach them and acquire your true feelings about issues. Some dads teach there sons to respect women, but the dynamic between dad and mom and other women really teach the lessons.

That'll be it for now leaving it open in order to continue this topic, and looking forward to seeing more responses on this topic.

001

quote:

Then the other extreme... you know these people. You see them daily (especially in LA). the ones who are not voluntarily single but remain single for many years and they think everyone else is the problem. the ones who don't have many friends but the ones they do have they can't trust because they're just like them. Where the rules of consideration applies only to them. I'm not going to list because it's just the opposite of the paragraph above.

i know people like this too, im curious if its a form of narcissism, or social anxiety. painful to watch when its someone close to you. excruciating to listen about it.

cheers
N.