I used to be able to have orgasms without a vibrator, when I was like, 17. I would randomly come from time to time with very little stimulation when I was making out with my boyfriend (I know, hilariously easy). In fact, my first orgasm was with him, and I wasnt even sure what it was at first. He encouraged me to explore my own sexuality by masturbating. I had never come on my own. Fingers didnt seem to work for me (not enough mental focus?), so I started using the showerhead, which worked every time, once I figured it out. I started using vibrators by the time I was 18 (I'm 20 now), and now I dont seem to be able to get off without one, not even with clitoral stimulation from my partner. Any thoughts? I read that if one kind of sexual stimulation becomes habitual, nothing else can get you off, as long as the "habit" persists. I'm fine with using vibrators, as is my partner (he is very sexually empowering and supportive), but it would be great if I didnt have to rely on a sex toy to come. Any thoughts? Have any of you been successful in retraining yourselves?

TRUST ME...You haven't met the right PARTNER yet. I happened to be 20 when I had my LAST 'SCREAMING "O"'...he KNEW what he was doing.

Sure, mental focus is a LARGE part of it, but you're so young. All our bodies are different but common sense tells me so much more should be coming naturally...no pun intended. Don't worry, though. After more groupees slow down from their time away from the site due to the Holidays, you'll likely be FLOODED with KEEN comments and advice from more 'seasoned' members, etc. They're GREAT here.

I'm mid-40's...married over 21 years, together almost 25.

MAKE SURE YOU MARRY A SEXUALLY FULFILLING PARTNER..if you desire to marry!

And WELCOME...I'm relatively new myself.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: ultlushamed,

Welcome to our little community. Actually it's Freddy and Eddy's but the rent is free and the neighbors are great.

Your random with boyfriend really struck home. My first was while making out on the couch, straddling his blue jean covered thigh.

20 is still pretty young, I know I was still learning about myself, my body, and orgasms at that age. Like Ulty, I'm now in my 40's, turn 44 this coming July, and I'm still learning. I respectfully disagree with her when it comes to the right partner. I think we are responsible for our own pleasure and the more we know about ourselves, the more we can help whoever we are with, whatever their skill level, to please us.

I came to toys, pardon the pun, in my late 20's and trust me have they ever improved. That said, I have always been able to orgasm by oral stimulation, and by masturbation with my fingers or a partners. It took me a while to orgasm during intercourse. For me it was all about learning about my body. Learning to read certain signals my body sends as the arousal grows and climax approaches and not doing things to short circuit those feelings.

I'd recommend either self exploration or with your partner, really both. Don't set a goal of orgasm, only finding out what feels good, then practice, practice, practice.

Vibrators can become the easy way if you let it.

quote:

I'd recommend either self exploration or with your partner, really both. Don't set a goal of orgasm, only finding out what feels good, then practice, practice, practice.

Vibrators can become the easy way if you let it.

I always read about vibrators being the 'easy way out'; one reason it took me SO LONG to allow myself to try them. My story isn't unique, by any means. I'm still very naive to BETTER SEX...that's why I'm here.

Silk--through the years I've teased my husband (but really wasn't)...that if he had a fantasy about someone else that was fine...think of HER while you're 'taking it out' on me! lol He has MANY 'social anxiety' issues that didn't surface until he was older and I was older.

gimmeaswede: Any MORE info you can give? Everyone will have something to say, but we can only go on what you share. People [like me] learn from people like you, vice-versa and so on.

Hello and welcome to the forum.

My experience with vibrators was scary. I have always been able to orgasm (since early childhood) on my own or with a (good) partner, I married at 26 with the most wondrous man on Earth (sorry ladies and gentlemen) and only discovered toys after that. It was great, it was good, it was EASY, I played around with vibrators a lot, and after a few months I was blind deaf and dumb. I could not come any other way. Not in the shower, not with my fingers,not with oral sex! WTF??? Well the simple fact is that in MY experience vibrations can make the clit numb. May be it is not true for everybody and may be it depends on the circumstances, but that is what happened to me. I stopped using vibrators for awhile and things went back to normal. I use my buzzing toys now and then now, and we all live together in peace. But I think it is not a good thing to relay on vibrations alone for getting off.

What vibrator are you using btw?

Snow - have to agree with you about being able to orgasm from early childhood - basically can't remember when I couldn't! I'm just glad that apart from my beautiful glass dildo toys to not appeal to me at all... G is all I ever need!
Oh and welcome gimmeaswede, you are probably going to have to re-train your bod! Note to all... if you always stimulate yourself/make love/use the same 'toy' then you WILL short circuit your sexual response. If you then try something different it is unlikely you will climax. Hence the importance in Tantra & Taoist Sacred Sex of stimulating not just the sexual organs but the whole body - oh and believe me it is worth the effort

quote:

You haven't met the right PARTNER yet.

that's a mouthful!!....er... i mean....you need to have the right guy come along who knows how to properly suck your clitoris for you.

i can guarantee you'll orgasm right over the moon.

I'll stick to my original premise. While its always nice to have a well trained gentlemen who knows how to properly suck our clitoris for us it's best that we know our own bodies well enough that we can help the other 99.9% of the male world find our clitoris

"that's a mouthful!!....er... i mean....you need to have the right guy come along who knows how to properly suck your clitoris for you.

i can guarantee you'll orgasm right over the moon. "


Ah, I disagree, my experience is really different. I already knew my hubby when I had my misadventure, and I assure you he can make me come any day of the week, including moinday mornings, without hands (literally) standing on one foot (metaphorically... haven't tried this), but then, as I said, things went numb for a while.
May be you don't have yet a good partner, but I am not sure that is necessarily the problem (as you said, I think, he could get you off before, no?).

I am not on an antivibrator crusade here, I LOVE vibrators passionately, and I think every woman should have at least one (I even tried to convince my mother of it, opend the FunFactory site on her laptop and put it on her favourites , can you believe it), but I do believe one should use a bit of caution around them.

Excluding the possiblity that the vibrator may be the cause of this "problem" and blaming automatically the partner is not "educative", imho.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Snowflake,

Also remember, every woman is wired differently. Jill has a very difficult time orgasming through masturbation at all. It's just not her thing. She can orgasm repeatedly through every imaginable way I can please her, but for her to get off by herself, it involves days of deprivation, quiet, a bath with a shower nozzle AND some toys, and a lot of concentration, and even then the results are less than 50%. It's just not her thing and we quit worrying about it.

I was concerned that perhaps there was a part of her sexuality that might be blocked, but there is no reason to think this. In her wiring, she has to have a more emotional connection to orgasm.

Also remember, you are still a bit young. Many women at your age are having trouble having an orgasm at all. I would use what works, not worry about it, and just anticipate a lot of change about everything over time.

a male point of view?

Don't get used to using vibrators solely as the habit will cause other avenues to close down.

i had a problem of being to fond of my hand (too long between girlfriends i spose!) and found other forms of sex didn't do it for me. Then Irish came along and changed my ideas on things and we listened to some advice on here, and hey presto - my libido is on the increase!

But never rush things. take time to enjoy the moment even if you don't manage the big O

For me, any type of "habitual" way to orgasm tends to desensitize me to other methods. For example, before my hubby and I were together I could orgasm from very little clit stimulation and no penetration. Now that most of my orgasms are during sex, (my choice btw, I like it best when we "come" together ) it's hard for me to reach orgasm from just clit stimulation.It still happens with oral or masturbation, it just takes longer.
Anyway, that's my experience. It doesn't really bother me though. (But sometimes hubby's tongue gets tired!)

I agree with the others, definitely try to wean yourself off of the vibes. I've had the same problem before, but if I stop using them for a while and either use my fingers or don't do anything at all, the sensitivity comes back. Also, what was said before was right on target, don't make orgasm the goal, only good feelings.