Sometime ago Glamorous Granny asked if I would be willing to post a thread regarding how a real life BDSM relationship works. I live it and would be happy to discuss it here.

Let me just say first off...I am just lucky that I am married to the man I am. Neither of us knew how this would go when we married many years ago. Fate is cool sometimes. We have been together for over 20 years and it seems we are just getting started.

We have 3 daughters, two of whom live with us, so we do face some unique challenges, and we struggle to fit it all in sometimes.

I'm not sure where to start except to say that if you have questions, I'll try to have answers.

Sorry, GG, that it took me so long to do this!

Don't know about anybody else, PSP, but I'm interested in this myself. No too sure what the whole BDSM thing is, but what I do know is that my girl and I have pretty rough sex sometimes. We've tied each other up, told each other what we wanted done, and then we both complied..let's put it this way...there's been hair pulling, spanking, and sex so rough we hardly could move the next day.

Is that part of BDSM or are we both just horny 25 year olds with a super active sex life? Always wondered about that..would like to hear more about this.

Thanks!

That is BDSM! There are so many ways to go about it...sounds like you two have the most important thing going for you...communication. If you guys like it rough, and you tell each other and get what you want, well all I can say is being sore the next day feels pretty good sometimes, doesn't it?

BDSM stands for an amalgamation of several terms:

Bondage and Discipline
Dominant/submissive
Sadistic/Masochistic
Master/slave

Though we have elements of all these,I consider our relationship to be the latter. For example, if MR. PSP said "take off your clothes" I would do so without question regardless of where we are or what we are doing. His part of the deal is that He will always protect our best interests and reputations, and will always love and protect me, so His promise to me is that if He tells me to do someting, it will be ok. Sometimes I'm not too sure, but so far so good!

So PSP what elements do you encoporate? Songchick is extremely Sub and wants me to be Dom. Its not something I take to naturally.

I find that sometimes it is harder to figure out exactly what she likes because she is Sub.

Hi, Heroic!

One of the most lovely parts of our lovelife is our nightly ritual: it is my responsibility to lock the bedroom door, this is a real and symbolic withdrawal from the normal world. I then remove my clothes and go to my closet and put on the leather collar Mr. PSP gave me. I then come and kneel beside the bed. What happens from there is entirely up to him. We might play or not, but I have demonstrated my willingness and put the decisions in his hands.

We also incorporate alot of bondage, especially rope bondage. There are some great books available on that subject, and rope is easily available at the hardware store. Also, silk scarves are a great place to start playing with bondage. A company called thai silks has nice, inexpensive ones, and I love the name, of course!

I also surprised MR. PSP with a lovely cock ring from F&E recently, and he loves that...very much. I don't think that has so mush to do with D/s but he loves that I gave it to him. It's kind of a D/s promise ring, I guess. hehe.

In daily life, I try to make our home as lovely as possible for him, and to keep things serene if it is at all possible. I love to prepare wonderful meals for him, and see that as an act of submissive love as well. I guess it's kind of "June Cleaver" but it works for us.

We have many floggers, clamps, and other articles of "torture" which Mr. PSP is very adept with. This requires a lot of practice and he takes that seriously. I love most of it....

Sometimes there is something we try that doesn't work out. It is very important that either partner can say "no" to any activity. It is also important for the dom to push the sub a bit past her comfort level on a fairly regular basis. That is a very fine and tricky line. The main thing is to hold no grudges. If something doesn't work out, move on with gratefulness for the knowledge and experience. And be aware that something you or Songchick "hate" today may suddenly sound irresistable tomorrow. Go figure...

We have been together for a very long time and tried so many things, anything you want to know more about, I'll try to give you an answer!

Good luck in your experimentation, much fun and deep love to you!

quote:

Originally posted by pleasesirplease:

For example, if MR. PSP said "take off your clothes" I would do so without question regardless of where we are or what we are doing. His part of the deal is that He will always protect our best interests and reputations, and will always love and protect me, so His promise to me is that if He tells me to do someting, it will be ok. Sometimes I'm not too sure, but so far so good!

That is an amazing level of trust!

It is truly an exercise in trust. When I am blindfolded and really bound up, my life is truly in his hands.
I am a naturally cynical individual, so this seems doubly hard for me, sometimes. I believe I have grown a lot emotionally and spiritually in the process of getting to this point. I know that's usually not a goal of bdsm, but it seems to be a frequent outcome.
It is very important for a dom to always remember what a gift of trust and openness his sub is giving him.

Where can i find me a man like that hehe..

I've always been intersted in the lifesytle. And i'm sure i'd be a great candidate for it. I'm very submissive and I dunno... I just want to find someone like that..

LL, most of the time it isn't true submissives who "benefit" the most from a D/s relationship. It is people who have demanding, high intensity jobs, lawyers, doctors, etc. People who are making decisions all day, every day and want someone else to take control. To make their decisions for them. Each couple decides how far to take it, just in the bedroom, or into the real world.

True, Quadesh. I am not a naturally "submissive" person. Submission takes me out of the highly analytical, decision-intensive life I live the rest of the time. BUT the desire for this kind of relationship is also one of my earliest sexual memories, so there is more to it than escaping my current roles. Perhaps these are tendencies that often develop concurrently?

quote:

Originally posted by littlelilly00:
Where can i find me a man like that hehe..

I've always been intersted in the lifesytle. And i'm sure i'd be a great candidate for it. I'm very submissive and I dunno... I just want to find someone like that..

LL, I would start by looking for BDSM groups in your city. Maybe search for yahoo groups.

Very important is to be SAFE. Never meet someone alone. Go to group meetings, get to know people that way. Don't believe things people tell you online. Reputation is important in BDSM circles, so ask around about anyone you are interested in. Trust and Safety are paramount in BDSM. FInd someone who takes both SERIOUSLY.

See thats my thing. I'm in a huge placement of power in my job. I have to manage a whole office and I totally get tired of tell other people what to do.

Thanks for the info on the lifestyle PSP... i've thought of looking for groups on the internet for this.

I yearn for the day Eddy takes the bull by the horns, so to speak, orders me around, ties me up, and does unspeakable things all night long to my helpless self...

So PSP your everyday play is master/slave?

So is it the roughness or the dom/sub that appeals?

Songchick picked up a pair of velcro cuffs, she seems to enjoy them! So it seems with her is is the sub part. Comming from an abusive family I really find it hard to "get rough".

I still don't "GET" her interest but I'm going along with it, trying my best to make her happy. Although every girl I have dated says I have a commanding presence that they love I just don't get or even see it.

quote:

Originally posted by Freddy:
I yearn for the day Eddy takes the bull by the horns, so to speak, orders me around, ties me up, and does unspeakable things all night long to my helpless self...

Carefull Freddy if she does that she may go for the back side, and we all know how you feel about that!