Heroic, are you kidding? Freddy is THE king of bend over boyfriend!

Now, now, Buck, don't make me zap you out of existence for such blasphemy! No innies in my outties, man!!!

quote:

Originally posted by Heroic:
So PSP your everyday play is master/slave?

So is it the roughness or the dom/sub that appeals?

Songchick picked up a pair of velcro cuffs, she seems to enjoy them! So it seems with her is is the sub part. Comming from an abusive family I really find it hard to "get rough".

I still don't "GET" her interest but I'm going along with it, trying my best to make her happy. Although every girl I have dated says I have a commanding presence that they love I just don't get or even see it.

Yes, our everyday life centers around the Master/slave dynamic. That is not necessarily the same as sado-masochism. Our play is varied and includes pain sometimes, and others not. It's the giving up of CONTROL that does it for me.

And rough doesn't have to mean painful. Maybe she just wants to feel the strength and intensity of your desire for her. You can definitely be forceful with out inflicting pain.

AN excellent place to start would be www.castlerealm.com. This is a site written by a real life Dom and his sub/slave. There is real info there, not just sensational web stuff. Although my relationship with Mr PSP sometimes seems pretty "sensational", there is so much more to the lifestyle than that.

quote:

Originally posted by Heroic:
So is it the roughness or the dom/sub that appeals?

Heroic what exactly is Songchick asking for? Does she want to be dominated? Or does she want something rougher? Because you don't necessarily have to get rough in a D/s relationship. For example, you could do mild bondage and then be aggressively male, think caveman mode. If you aren't comfortable, for whatever reason with the "rough" stuff you don't have to include that in your play.

quote:

Originally posted by Qadesh:
Heroic what exactly is Songchick asking for? Does she want to be dominated? Or does she want something rougher?

That is paart of the issue she doesn't communicate that very well to me. I think a little of both, but I think she prefers the submissive part better.

Part of the issue is that my father was a very dominating presence in a very neagative way. If I said or did anything that he didn't like, I was likely to get smacked in the head. So to me an agresive dominance is assocaited with abuse.

You two are going to have to carefully walk the path between her desires and your scars from your family upbringing. It can be done. Domination tends to lean toward power displays, forcefulness. It doesn't have to be aggressive.

Hey, another awesome thing to do together is take this test: http://www.tampafetishparty.com/writings/bdsm_consent.htm
It allows you to explore what you are interested in trying. I recommend printing two copies and then you and songchick can fill them out separately. Then get together and compare and contrast. Allow lots of time and ask every question that crosses your mind. Take notes. Just taking the test can heat things up a bit.
And if you re-take the test in 6 months, you may be shocked at how your desires and limits evolve.

Good feedback PSP and Q! TY, you both very much.

I am in the BDSM lifestyle. I am totally a submissive person but I don't just give it to anyone, they have to earn it. I have to trust them and there is always a lot to work out. It is a gift that i give to one person. Being a submissive, I like eveything to be decided for me, from what color my nails are painted and how often to financial decicsions etc. Everything....It isn't that I dont want to do anything and am lazy, i'm not at all, but it is the feeling of being taken care of. Having someone take my check at the beginning of the month after i come home from work and having them deposit it in the bank and pay my bills and then only giving me money how much and what i am to spend it on. That is an awesome fantasy. But it has nothing to do with them taking the money and spending it for themselves, but for them to take care of me. I also want to please my dominant in every way. So if they don't like what color my hair or nails are then they are not pleased. Or even what i wear. Some people arent as extreme into it as this. But it is still a loving relationship. I don't do (what we call) vanilla relationships at all. I am not happy in them. BDSM relationships are totally erotic to me and my sexuality and lifestyle.