Hi everyone I'm new here, been browsing the forums for a while. Have a few questions on D/s relationships, I have been interested in the lifestyle for a while now and there is someone in my life at the moment that seems to be as well, we've discussed a few things but just don't know how to proceed. Advice anyone? Thanks!

Anyone?

As a starting point read the existing threads in the Dungeon and then pm any of the contributors who seem to have the info you need.

Thanks will do

I'd like to revive this forum a little.

I believe I've just discovered that I am a natural D.

When I have been quiet and completely agreeable for a couple of months in our marriage, I then get in Kick Ass mode.

I call him on all kinds of "you've gotten sexually lazy" and relationship-careless and self-pleasing issues. I don't "have a talk" about it. I don't yell. I simply have to give the slightest signal that all is not happy with me and when he says, "What's wrong, Hon?," which he does immediately and with some trepidation, I say something in utter calmness like, "You choose the topic: money, sex, house, cars, vacations,. . ."

Immediately, he's working hard to please for weeks.

This is what makes me think we might be made for light D/s.

I'm wondering this: Everyone says talk it all over first. Completely sane and safe advice.

But I think I can introduce it so carefully and in baby steps that he'll be taken by delightful surprise, once I can gauge how s he might be game for.

And whether it should be specific games/scenes, or games and scenes mixed with some lifestyle D/s.

Question: Am I kidding myself?

I read some basic scenes. I haven't shopped for elaborate gear. I think I have some simple stuff at home that can be used to subtly and safely begin at the beginning.

I love to be timid and sweet for some time and then bust on the home scene a bossy bitch without prior notice. He always reacts by asking me to take over whatever it is I want to take over.

I don't wish to emasculate. Just introduce a secret D/s element to our whole relationship. Periodically. I think.

Suggestions for a first read?

I strongly suggest you talk first or you could suddenly discover you don't have a relationship... even if you are only going to tie him to the bedpost to have your wicked way with him he needs a chance to say 'no' and you need to be able to hear that D/S is not about the Dom having power over the Sub it is the Sub willingly giving their control over to the Dom - this needs discussing and boundaries need to be set BEFORE you start playing games he does not even know you are playing.

Thank you, GG.

I seem like a big Duuuuhhh most of the time I'm not shooting my mouth off.

I'm here for just that reason. This community is very understanding and open and straightforward.

I find myself in middle age, starting fresh, as confused as a teenager.

Your point is Very Well Taken. I didn't realize how dumb and thoughtless my post sounded until I read your reply. I read way too much and don't do nearly enough.

Thanks again for your time and wise words. I'll get on it right away and report back.

Cici
Good luck G & I have our own - mild - D/S relationship, I only have to take hold of G's wrists, hold them above his head and say 'you can't move your hands' and that is it... he know that then is the time to say 'no' he also knows any time he moves his hands 'game is over'. It is such baby Dom play that we both have fun BUT once a while it gets a little bit more serious and we both are very careful... Have fun - enjoy!

GG

Report:

I'm so relieved I took your advice.

First: I casually, quickly and jokingly threw out, "I want to be your Dominatrix. . .I'm not kidding." MrR seemed a little off guard, [isn't that the best way], but said something like, "Yes." and not without a hint of enthusiasm. I walked away immediately.

I did that again a couple days later, just to keep it on his mind. Then said it jokingly in front of another couple.

Then I initiated a more serious talk. It makes perfect sense to me. Given: I'm going to be bitchy for a couple of days every couple of months.

[Somehow the theme that infuriates me is always the same: popular culture, mixed team sports, alcohol in public, print soft porn, phone porn downloads, sex with a penis and vagina. . .are made for men's pleasure. Or so I see it at its worst for a couple days.]

One minute I'm a cuddly angel. I blink and I am a wicked witch.

"So, Honey, instead of me mucking up our relationship for a few days and making us both crazy, why don't we direct my powerful emotions into me dressing up and tying you down and being bossy. That would really make me happy. And you might even find it exciting."

To which, to my surprise, he added a hearty, "Yes I would."

I can't wait to dress up. I'm a little nervous that I'll either be too harsh and he'll bridle, or I'll start giggling.

But what you describe is about how I imagined starting. Just make him sit, stay, and watch.

Moreover, at our age, he can stand a whole lot more sexual tension between sack sessions. A great remedy to my tendency to let him get sexually, and husbandly lazy.