So the wife has always had a bit of a fascination with bondage and spanking. She calls me "Master" I the bedroom and it took a long time for me to even feel comfortable with that.

Coming from a family where my father was abusive physically, not sexually, I have to say this is not anything I am interested in.

In my mind it is disrespectful, I just can't get my mind around the playfull aspect of it.

As a compromise I bought her our newest toy, the swing, and she is very happy with it. I figured it is "strappy" and it makes her feel more like I am "in control". So far this seems to be a great idea.

Can someone shed some light on this for me? We have talked a little bit about this and I can understand how relinquishing power and becoming an object of desire can be a powerfull feeling/fantasy. How do I reconsile that with the fact that I feel like I am debasing or degrading my wife by this type of activity?

My wife and I recently had a similar conversation however neither of us had been abused. We talked a long time and decided just to do some research. there are ways to play the Dominant/Submissive rolls and not be disrespectful or abusive. There are several instructionan DVD on the market (we rented Nina Hartley's how to be submissive and sensual dommance). Set rules and limits. Agree if it gets to uncomfertable either can say stop. But most of all talk talk talk and talk somemore.

It ended to be a fantastic experience and we never got near the "Whips and Chains" stereotype. Read my stories on the weekend away in the erotic stories thread -- Especially Day 2 to get a picture of what we did. It is very close to the truth.

Just talked with the wife and her ideas are much more tame than I had anticipated. We might give it a try. TY for the feed back MJ!

This kind of stuff has nothing to do with being abusive or disrespectful. I am in a loving bdsm relationship. When i get a spanking or tied up or whatever it is...even when it seems totally brutal to someone, it is a loving thing that we do...It has nothing about me wanting to be abused or my Dominant wanting to abuse me...it is how we share our love or compassion for eachother...and what we enjoy. The difference between that and the childhood (both you and I had...my parents were very mentally abusive and even physically sometimes) is that this is consentual and loving and the other is not.