Hi Everyone, I'm new to the forums and to BDSM.

I've read through some of the other posts and it seems many people on here are in very long, committed relationships and experience their level of BDSM together.

I'm in a new relationship with someone who, in my opinion, is very experienced with and craves dominating. I've had a fantasy of light bondage, but I am completely and utterly new to this arena. I'm open to the possibility though. Hence my appearance here.

I want to satisfy his sexual desire, but I just don't know how. I've tried talking to him but he's not very helpful. So I seek your assistance for understanding, which I feel will make me a good little girl for him.

I've read the how-to on the website and the posts on here, but I still don't feel like I have a grasp on what to do or how to be. Can someone out there tell me what you like from your submissive? It sounds a little silly, but am I suppose to submit with a smile or a whimper? Do I like it or try to fight it?

Also, please help me understand why you like to dominate. I hold no judgment. I simply don't enjoy the idea myself, so it's hard for me to fully be excited about this new experience.

thank you very much & happy holidays!

quote:

Also, please help me understand why you like to dominate. I hold no judgment. I simply don't enjoy the idea myself, so it's hard for me to fully be excited about this new experience.

thank you very much & happy holidays!

Precious Peaches, if you do not like the idea of being dominated say so clearly to your partner. Any sexual experience, especially something like BDSM, should be one that both of the partners enjoy, not something you do because it is expected of you.

I don't think I could 'sub.' to save my life but G enjoys it when I dom. him though it is always very light and a game nothing more.

quote:

I've tried talking to him but he's not very helpful.

if he can't communicate what he wants or how the dom/sub should work, i'd be more apt to tell you to run away and quickly. there's a difference between fun and abuse. if he can't spell out what the rules are, then i'd say you need to look elsewhere for a more open and honest relationship.

communication is the MOST important part of any relationship, but it's a MUST and the #1 RULE in these kinds of acts....otherwise things can get out of control, and someone hurt.

here's a link for you.

BDSM

To answer the second part, i enjoy it because i don't have to do anything I'm at the 'mercy' of the other, I'm also a Very submissive person and people expect me to help and fix things for them. its a very nice release from the bullshit in my life. i started light BDSM(some ropes and the Sportsheet Bondage Bedsheet from F&E) with my ex for three years. then started going to a mistress.

Make sure that you have a way of making it stop safe words work well. and you set clear ground rules.

i'll agree that you should feel safe with the person and it can be hard to gauge how someone is going to handle them selves with BDSM. if at any point you don't feel safe start shouting banana.

Baby steps when getting into this, your partner will have to understand or it wont be a enjoyable experience for you.

I'm a Horrible dom, but i love to sub

Glam, Ajay, and Virgil - thanks for your kind and helpful comments. The open communication part gives me something to think hard about. If he can't help me help him then how we can progress? At the very least, this is my chance to try something new to make sure I don't like it or not. :-)

It can be a Lot of fun if your relaxed and feeling secure.

So communicate and enjoy it. also baby steps

Welcome to the boards, PreciousPeaches!

quote:

Originally posted by ajay:
if he can't communicate what he wants or how the dom/sub should work, i'd be more apt to tell you to run away and quickly. there's a difference between fun and abuse. if he can't spell out what the rules are, then i'd say you need to look elsewhere for a more open and honest relationship.

communication is the MOST important part of any relationship, but it's a MUST and the #1 RULE in these kinds of acts....otherwise things can get out of control, and someone hurt.

I agree, ajay. PP, you say he's experienced. If that is true, he should be able to define the rules better for you when you asked. Since he couldn't, that would be a red flag for me. If you try it out and it's not for you, he should be able to understand that, and not force you into anything.

Virgil also hit it on the head when he said "baby steps". Now, I'm not experienced by any means when it comes to BDSM, but lately I've been fantasizing more about hubby tying me up and having his way with me. I'm pretty controlling in "normal" life, so I've been thinking it might be nice to give some of that up in bed once in a while. Of course, since we've never tried this before, we'll start small, maybe light restraints (ties, scarves, fuzzy handcuffs, stuff that is easy to get out of if necessary), blindfolds, and other simple things first. If we immediately went out and bought crops, gags, hoods, whips and chains, I think I would be much more apprehensive. Too much, too soon.

And, of course, a SAFETY WORD. That is necessary. If something goes too far for you, and you say it, the other person should stop what they're doing immediately. It works both ways, and he should respect that. If he doesn't, you have bigger problems than whether BDSM is for you.

Him dominating you actually should (if I understand it correctly) make him pay MORE attention to your needs and body language, as he's taking it upon himself to "control" you. It's not necessarily about denial or him making you do things in bed, and like Virgil said, it should involve a lot of trust between partners, and they should feel safe together.

Good luck!

However

Check out this link, PreciousPeaches. It should give you more insight

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html