We've been discussing trying out BDSM. The trouble is, she wants to be dominated and that just isn't in my character. It wouldn't be convincing for either of us.

How does a passive and peaceful person learn to be a Dom? Is there such a lesson?

I'm trying to think of it as learning an acting part. Not that I'm an actor or have any experience with it. Alternatively, I'm thinking of maybe coming up with an alter ego. One with a different name and everything like we did in 9th grade French.

I just don't know how to get there. It has to convince both of us and I'm not sure how to do that and not just appear to be a jackass or an idiot.

Suggestions?

You do not need to be all that elaborate. Start simple by tieing each other up in a safe place (like you bedroom). Have a safe word (like STOP!) to let the each other when you have extended beyond boundaries. Go slow, learning about each other over a long period.

There are a couple of DVD on Dom/Sub -- I like the ones from Nina Hartley.

My wife I decided to try this some time back and really liked it. There was no leather, no whips, no wax. It was more about pushing ourselves out of our comfortable box. A little at a time. For example, my wife is not a very creative person (a very left brain mathematician). So I tied her to a chair (I tied her wrist loosly to the chair arms) and made her make up a sexy story. To reward her and to enhance the experience I did thinks that teased her.

When it was her turn - She made sure she returned the "favor".

Look to push the boundaries of your comfort zone out slowly. You have the time -- Make good use of it.

Good Luck.
MJ

quote:

Have a safe word (like STOP!) to let the each other when you have extended beyond boundaries.
MJ

MJ I personally would not consider 'stop' to be a safe word... it needs to be something that is absolutely obvious 'red' or a word not associated in any way with the bedroom.

Fromohiousa I am a natural dom., and do dom G. occasionally though only as a game. If it really isn't 'you' I'm not sure quite how you get into it... Grump certainly couldn't dom me. Is there any part of your personality that likes to be in control to take charge? If not the alter ego may be the only route you can go but, as you say, it has to be convincing. Good luck hope you have fun

MJ - I'm checking out that DVD. I'm definitely interested.

In reading up on this, there is a lot centering around getting through a "scene" as if it is a play. I suppose it is.

It would be nice to find a script we could play through so we can be on the same side and not let the play be some passive aggressive punishment for real day to day issues.

Well in a sense the 'scene' is a play in as much that one person is being controlled by another to a greater or lesser extent. But both parties need to feel this is absolutely true and real. To give you a simple example... I do not have to restrain G's wrists. I simply slam them down beside his head and tell him he is not allowed to move them... Because he knows that he is going to enjoy what follows he leaves them there. If he moved them I would assume the 'game' was off