Hi to everyone at Freddy and Eddy! I have been browsing this website since I linked to it from Comstock and I think it is great, but haven't had the nerve to post anything until now. I am a thirty-something wife who is in the ultimate prime of my sex life (wanting it everyday, every hour, every minute....) and my husband is still in shock! I have always been kinky and our sex life, while not always consistant, has always been satisfying! We have dabbled in light bondage (rarely) and sex toys have always been a part of our lives. I recently told him I wanted to be dominated and spanked. He was uncomfortable with it due to his upbringing and the fact that I am dominant in most aspects of our lives. But he was willing to try, so I gave him some websites to visit and told him a little about my fantasies. Maybe we didn't talk about it enough. Or maybe I wasn't explicit enough. We bought some restraints and a blindfold and we have used them twice. WOW! My nipples got hard while he was strapping me down! But sadly, I came away from these "sessions" feeling extremely disatisfied! I did enjoy them but they were lacking something. I know I should probably go into more detail but this is my first post and I feel a little shy in expressing myself. I guess I need some advice on how to tell him that I need or want more...of what, well I guess I should elaborate, but I'm not really sure of that myself yet. For me this is just some spice added to our sex life. I don't want to live the life of a submissive. I am too dominant in every day life to want that, and that is probably why I want it in the bedroom. Maybe I should be posting in another forum, but I wanted to introduce myself here first. I know what I want but I am afraid to tell him everything. I don't know if he can go where I want him to go. And I can't imagine going anywhere whithout him, if that makes sense. < !--color--> [/list]

Welcome girl! Wow, what a great first post. We're glad you decided to ask our advice. From the sounds of it, maybe you should slowly work your husband into the role you want him to be in. If you've been the dominant person all along he's going to need some time to figure out how to take on that role.



I'd say just let him work up to in through more sessions and then get to the level where you want. I doubt most people would be able to assume the role of complete domination in just one try, so keep working on it and have fun on the site. Ooh, something else I just thought of. As he's your loving husband and this is a shock to him, there might be some hesitation about hurting you as well. Set up a safe word with him before hand so that he knows, he's got your full permission to go as far as he/you want until you say that word. This helps to set your boundaries.



If you want some other ideas and such, check through the BDSM forum on here as they've got some interesting thoughts in there too.

Badgirl,

You and I are in the exact SAME predicament. As I am the dominant one in our marriage, I yearn for Eddy to dominate, command, and take charge of our sexual situations. Alas, it's not her personality to do so and (like your husband) she just can't seem to assume the role with any gusto or vigor. I mean, how submissive are we being when we have to TELL them to dominate us, right? And so our leather goodies go about their lives collecting more dust and sitting tucked away lonely in drawers and closets.

I passed my situation along to a "dom" who visits our shop for espresso some mornings and he suggested starting slower. He also warned it may never happen and that we should be content with that if it becomes the case. His idea was to start with light "dom days," whereby Eddy dominates me in non-sexual ways, such as telling me to empty the trash or vacuum on her terms. She could even blind fold me and have me do the dishes that way. From there, perhaps we can begin to train her mind into assuming a more active and dominant role, eventually progressing to the restraints.

Anyway, as we are both seeking the same thing, let's move this thread over to the Dungeons thread and we can document our parallel journeys over time and hopefully both reach our goals of (wanted) spousal abuse together!

Gee Freddy, like you have to be told to vacuum! I'm sure Eddy has no problem with that.

Hi badgirl,

Buckshot has a point. However, if you really wish to explore BDMS, take a seminar. That way you will both understand the rules involved and start discovering whether you are a submissive, dominant or switch. With my husband, I like some aspects of BDSM, but not hardcore as well as he. However, his ex-wife was hardcore BDMS and to learn how to satisfy her needs, they went to classes at the Janus Society here in San Francisco Bay Area. The Janus Society is the oldest working organization on BDSM. They will have a tremenous amount of information. We have found we are both switch depending on the situation and the mood. Here is the link. http://www.soj.org/main.html

scifi

Hey Freddy, does Eddy make you wear the little french maid outift or is that your idea?

Thanks to everyone for the great advice! I will post anything further on this in The Dungeon, which I have browsed through, but should have spent more time in! French maid outfit...mmm...was thinking more along the lines of school girl, he he.

Thanks to Buckshot, Freddy and scifi for their replies. You all some some good ideas to try, esp. that safe word, and gave some terrific advice. Although the seminars are out of the question due to my location, I did visit the website and sigh in frustration. It gave me the idea to find out if there's anything like that in my area.

To give my hubby credit, which I don't think I did, he stepped up to the plate remarkably well for someone who isn't dominant with his wife. I wanted him to enjoy it for himself, not just for me and I think he liked it more than he wants to admit. (Getting horny just remembering it!!!)

Anyway, to make a long story short,(too late) what Freddy said about it not being very submissive when you have to tell someone to dominate you went right to the heart of my discontent. Lord what I wouldn't give to have him just take control and start issuing verbal commands about what he wants me to do to him or myself. Now that would really get me going. I plan to talk to him about these things but even after a decade together I still find this difficult when I'm not sure what his reaction will be.

I welcome any ideas or advice from the dungeon members and I look forward to haivng some fun on this site.

P.S. I would love to know of any instructional videos on domination that I could get for him since he is not an avid reader and sometimes seeing is believing!lol

I have been extremely hesitant to post on this thread, mainly because I have little or no knowledge on the subject matter yet. Of course I can hear Freddy and Buck saying "That's never stopped you before" so here goes.

BadGirl and Freddy, I am your husband and Eddy, so I thought maybe a few thoughts from the other side of the fence, while they may not help, might at least bring a little understanding.

First let me say that in our case, we are not talking about a true case of my husband wanting to be submissive to me in all walks of our lives together, not even within every sexual episode. It is only in the beginning stages of experimentation. My husband is a pilot for a large corporation, and like any pilot feels a great deal of responsibility towards the safety of those who travel with him. Sometimes he wants to not be the responsible one. He expressed this to me concerning our sex life. I found it confusing because I never felt like either of us was dominant in that aspect. We both initiated sex yada yada yada...

Anyway when he first brought it up I kinda laughed and told him I would love to buy a leather catsuit. He said no he was serious and was interested in exploring bondage, spankings, and verbal abuse. I'm no prude but the thought of hurting someone either physically or emotionally for sexual gratification is a foregin idea of which I don't understand especially with someone you love.

I finally agreed to light bondage and I have to admit I liked it. Not so much the fact that he was tied down, but the fact that it seemed to bring him so much pleasure. After we were through though, my old friend "guilt" showed up for a visit. It's funny, I am usually pretty good about not judging others but I put a rather harsh judgement on myself. It's odd that I didn't judge him for wanting this, my criticism was of myself for doing it.

It has taken me a while to come around to the idea that sexual arousal and pleasure can take many forms for different people. We have progressed? to the point of full bondage, not necessarily verbal abuse but there is some one sided dialouge from me, and the use of some toys to stimulate, and delaying his climax until I decide he can cum

I guess that's an awful long way to go to say please remember you are asking someone who loves you very much to go outside their comfort zone for something they probably have no understanding of and in some way may cause self doubt as to why you can't satisfy your spouse.

Does that make any sense?

Great words, Silky. I would only add that I don't actually want Eddy to HURT me, per say; just a little pain will be fine, thank you!

It's the act of being commanded that I want. Just being directed and told what to do and when to do it (and yes, when to come, if at all) is a total turn on for me. After all, it doesn't physically hurt to be restrained or blindfolded, so that's more what I'm trying to foster.

Yes, it makes a whole lot of sense!
Great view from the other side of the fence silkpanties! My husband doesn't know I have posted here but after this I plan on showing him. My first post was just that. I have never posted anywhere and lurked around til I found this site and then eventually the message board. It may seem odd but it was this site and a few others that helped me to overcome my fear and tell my husband about my fantasies.

Everything that has happened since then has only brought us closer together and given us a sexual freedom that I didn't even know we lacked. He was definitely hesitant about hurting me and I think he had the wrong mental picture of what I wanted at first. Some spanking and some verbal and physical domination were some of the things we discussed and we had a wonderful time experimenting. And I know that he, like you with your husband, took pleasure in the fact that everything he did gave me such pleasure. For me, the aspect of domination that would give the most pleasure is if he would command me to pleasure him. Maybe he will never be comfortable giving me verbal commands and I will be okay with that if it is the case. We are just starting out and I hope this newfound freedom will prompt him to tell me some of his fantasies.

What you said about self doubt did cause me to worry and made me realize I should have never used the word dissatisfied when I talked about the sessions between my husband and I. Frustrated maybe, due to lack of communication on my part. We have discussed some of this but haven't had any more sessions, just some damn good sex! Hopefully showing him this will bring us both to a new understanding. Maybe I can even get him posting on here, but that would probably take a miracle. When he reads your post I hope that in sharing the experience of someone else through his/your point of view, he will share any concerns he hasn't told me about.

Maybe if my post makes him mad I will get a spanking for it ...just couldn't help adding that

That last line qualifies your for our hall of fame! Bad, can you please e-mail me your avatar so I can activate it? freddy@freddyandeddy.com.

I hope Freddy & Eddy don't mind be giving you this info, but Sandpiper Group, Las Vegas www.sandpipergroup.com focus on the BDSM market with all types of publications including video. It is their speciality niche.

Freddy - might want to contact me for their info to get samples of videos etc to add to your library!

Really nice people who own the company and the owner is in the BDMS Alternative Lifestyle -- so it is always good to get info from the experienced.

WOW!
you all have such great advice to offer!
i recently told my boyfriend that I was interested in seeing a "dom" and he freaked out a little.
I wish he would take the role, but it is not his personality. I think i have gotten some great ideas of how to bring up the subject again.
thanks

rainie