Has anyone out there experienced freezing up in conversation with someone your interested in having an affair with?

When there is an opportunity to move the conversation down a more intimate path I just freeze up with her.

Help is definetly needed.

I just read an article about how laughter reinforces the brain and that we like people who make us laugh. So maybe having a few jokes, some suggestive, some not so suggestive, just to bring a little laughter into the conversation. I wouldn't overdo it. But mayb a few comments afterwards like "I like the sound of your laughing" or "wow, you have a great smile, " etc., and a well-placed touch on the hand or arm goes a long way with me. Hope others will give their input on how they can keep the conversation going because that is a problem we've all experienced.

Hold on now! Do you mean "affair" as in cheating? Yikes. Maybe you should try messing around in some chat rooms before going out to pick up someone. Perhaps it's better to break off your current relationship first? Having affairs rarely, if ever, lead to anything positive.

BTW, what is it with all you Texas folks? I can't believe how many of our visitors are from there.

[ January 06, 2004, 01:42 AM: Message edited by: Freddy ]

Welcome Photobum,
Great topic. It's totally natural that you freeze up when you are in an initial relationship. You are guided by very little except your initial sex appeal to each other. So the next passage is to get to know the "real" you, and that is one of the hardest things to do in relationships. Use your knowledge of what you know best and are comfortable with. You're totally into photography, so show her some of your work and describe to her what is behind the picture or what your lens captures. Or ask her to describe to you what she sees in the photograph and compare with each other. It will show her something about you, while finding out if she is on the same wave length. Laughter is the best medicine out there in life. I whole-heartily agree with Gogirl. What makes you laugh may also ease that oh-so silence pause that you come across. And there is always the most simple Action of Reaction, by asking her "What do you do when there is this uncomfortable silence" You might be surprised by her answer.

Try it and tell us how it goes

Eddy

Oh goodness no Freddy, affair as in a discreet relationship between two women who are single. Perhaps there's a better word than affair that should be used here.

As far as why more Texas people are logged in, can't answer that one Freddy other than it's a big honking state where in some places there's a lot of road between even the little towns.

& as far as the chat room thing, I'm much bolder this way than in individual face-to-face contact. The person that turns me on so much has a habit of not returning e-mails so that route is not a good one and in the end, if she is amenable, I'd like to be more personal.

Great suggestions. I especially will try to do the laughter. Not a whole lot of people get my jokes or my attempts at jokes but she does quite a few times.

It's just the challenge of remaining focused while not being distracted when she smiles at me.

I also would never have thought about the whole "What do you do when there is this uncomfortable silence." Those don't happen very often but they do happen. Wow, how'd you know?

Again, great advice. Many thanks.

Welcome Photobum. Ah, the thrill and fear...I think the sheer adrenaline rush of being near someone you're strongly attracted to can do physical things to your voice. It's certainly hard to speak when your heart is in your mouth literally.
Remember to breathe. I'm always touched when people just say what they feel." I feel so nervous...when we go quiet I just want to fill the spaces...etc." Good luck, it's sooo exciting!

Oh yes. I lose track of what I am saying, the voice definetly changes, blushing, pacing, etc.

We were great friends but I was clueless that she was in her own subtle way flirting with me a two years ago. In fact, my sister in law surprised me with a book about flirting last year when I mentioned how clueless I was about that sort of thing.

I am a typically blunt person so that also throws a wrench into the conversation now b/c I am thinking about, well, let's just say stuff I would love to be doing with her and yet maintaining the formerly straight orientation.

Just as an aside, thinking about your "dilemma" last night...kissing always fills the conversation gaps quite nicely.

Oh, sorry, didn't realize this was a girl/girl attraction thing. How utterly...

HOT!!! Go girl! Oh, wait, we already have her

OK, then, you MUST report on the results. Take a run through our Girls Kissing Galleries before you make your next contact to get fired up.

Wow, I love this job

I will definetly post what happens when it happens. Crazy work schedule doesn't allow for lots of free time with her.

Oh, I also have to come out to her (and I just recently admitted to myself that I am into women so I haven't been with a woman yet) and I also have to find out if she is also into women. There's been denials but ... the words don't exactly jive with some of her behavior in the last two years.

How's that for starting out a new year?

Thanks again for all the advice.

Girl!!! If she's been flirting with you, she probably already is thinking that you like women! My suggestion from my own exprience with women is to be totally upfront with her about what you're experiencing, without telling her you're attracted to her. Don't be afraid to tll her that you're innocent. A major fantasy of women is the "Let me teach you how to please me" fantasy. But keep your feelings until the second step. "The walk to the dance floor can be just as romantic as the dance."
Women love can be one of the most spectacular things you will ever experience -- passion and orgasms run intense. But be prepared for the emotional drama and the constant talking about every feeling. Don't get me wrong, I like sex with women, but men are sexy and fun, too. There are great things about both genders.

Good luck!!!

Maybe us Texan's just love GREAT SEX!!

Yeehaw, Chance!! And Giddyup!! Everything is bigger in Texas!!

Whoah there Gogirl,don't catch me unawares like that, my pelvic floor needs warning!!!My kids want to know why I've got tears in my eyes...