When we first met she used to wear nice thought provoking outfits. Now a mother she says it's not appropriate. These aren't over the edge OMG! I was trying to get her to wear, just some imagination outfits when we go out even as a family. My wife is a 19 on a scale of 1-10. I want to think about what could be even if it doesn't happen. Any suggestions?

Ask her what she'd be comfortable wearing would be a start, not knowing what your definition of over the edge is. Also don't know how many, or how old your family might be when you go out. Dealing with a toddler did not make me feel comfortable in short shorts and low cut top.

Don't always think of your needs. What about hers?

MILF or DILF in of itself is insulting when taken in the context of an ongoing relationship. It's fine for a $12.00 hotel movie rental.

I would define over the edge as see thru. I prefer not to mention the age of my kids. I can assure you they are not toddlers. I have asked her many times that same question and she replies with, I don't really know.

She has a problem with picking out clothing for herself so we will ask me to dress her. I pick things out I think she looks awesome in. She thinks sometimes I might push the limit then it takes a 180.

Trust me, I don't think of myself, if you only knew the type of man I am.

Please explain to me why you feel that a Milf or Dilf is insulting.

I agree with Silk -- the terms are insulting -- degrading your wife and yourself to just a sexual object rather than a human being you should be loving and respecting. It is appropriate when searching for Porn or in an adult film -- Not when used to describe yourself or your wife.

You claim that you do not know what she would like. I suspect you do and if you do not then you need to spend more time with each other. You say your kids are not toddlers. So that means at a minimum you have been together for at least three years (assuming she got pregnant on the first date), but more realisticly I would guess 5 yrs or more. Think hard on her likes and dislikes in other areas (books, news articles, home decorations, kids clothes) and you can get a sense of where she is coming from. Once you have done that, look through main stream catalogs (J.C. Penney, Sears, Kohls, Target) and pick some things in a wide variety and SIT DOWN AND TALK WITH HER -- Clothed!

Then make a date to go shopping, even if it is window shopping (I know my wife gets as much enjoyment from trying things on as she does wearing them. Come to think about it I have an enormous amount of fun just walking through a Home Depot or better yet a neighborhood hardware store -- But I digress).

Another option is to record some of the programs on TV (there are some on BBC America, TLC, and Style) and learn what is sexy and age/status appropriate. Make a date, pop some popcorn and snuggle and learn.

Sexy does not mean a lot of skin showing, shear fabric, or short shorts. In many cases less is more.

Try that and leave the MILF and DILF to PORNTUBE.

MJ

Dilfster. i think you miss the point here.
(oh sure mj posts at same time and i gotta edit)

comfortable = sexy. if shes comfortable, she will be more apt to feel sexy. remember. men design sex toys too. it doesnt mean theyre comfortable! lol

i do find your need to dress her a control issue. mind you im reading between the lines.

milf/dilf doesnt make a difference to some, but can be really out of line for others.. to some its degrading and crass, to others its a laugh and affection.

all the best. you sound like you have it good sir! take those positive points. and enjoy them!

cheers
N.

quote:

Originally posted by Nigel:
(oh sure mj posts at same time and i gotta edit)

HA HA --

Ok good points. The wife and I have been together for 20+ years and we are still learning about each other. Marriage is a 24/7 journey not with just your mate.

I don't get it with the milf, dilf, gilf thing. So I want to look hawt for my wife and the dilf reference is a target for a goal.

Of course I know what the wife likes to wear from time to time. We got in a discussion this morning that somewhat touched on this subject. She ended up going out of the house looking ravishing. She told me in short it's because she has so many things on her plate and mind it's a hassle for the most part to take the time to dress up. I can now appreciate it more as she also took the time to communicate with me.

We blew off the date night tonight to decorate the tree. Maybe it will an early present.. Wait a minute, why am I talking about my sex life with strangers? What is porntube?

Oh, that is porntube, thanks for the link...

the MILF, GILF, and DILF thing is an opinion. The first time I heard MILF was from "American Pie" and it has always stayed with me in the way to which it was introduced.

I have also been married for 20+ years (and so have a lot of others here BTW) and I will agree with you on the still learning on the 24/7 comments. I also understand the too many things on the plate issue. I have to deal with that also (wife is a teacher). But at least you are talking and that is a good thing. I think you are on the right track.

Welcome to the boards and please keep asking and posting.

MJ

quote:

Wait a minute, why am I talking about my sex life with strangers?

because sometimes a quick sounding board with people you know that will not schmooze you into some falsehood is a goodly sort of thing? .. perhaps?

people are all different, but a lot of the triggers are the same for many of us.. if we learn from others, then maybe our own learning experience isnt so upsetting.

and im with mj. post and say howdy more often.

best!
N.

MJ and Nigel agree with me, they are wise Hope I wasn't to hard on you Dilf, was not my intention, these boards are for opinions, asking and receiving. Welcome. MJ and Nigel have learned not to disagree with me. Learn from them or else

We are NOT afraid of you. We just agree with you out of respect for your formidable powers.

MJ (who is now applying for the witness protection program)

quote:

MJ (who is now applying for the witness protection program)

i would too.....these gals will hunt you down and set your ass straight!!....LOL!!

What gals?

I have to disagree a BIT, only a little bit with Nigel. Comfy is not necessarily sexy, not for who wears the clothes not for who's looking. I dearly like dressing in old jeans and baggy woolen sweather, irish fisherman style, and a pair of boots. I would wear nothing else in everyday life. But there is no mistaking that a pair of stockings making my legs all rustly, a short or lacy skirt and a tight corset put me in quite a different mood from the jeans and woolens. And my hubby too. There are in betweens of course.

I totally understand the hassle of dressing up comment. Sometimes when I am very busy even getting to the door of the wardrobe where the sexy things are, seems like a task to be planned weeks ahead. This happens a lot when my for whatever reason my sex drive is dragging its feet and drooping its ears. I think the clothes thing is just an symptom of a more complex issue. You don't feel like wearing sexy clothes if you don't feel sexy... or don't feel like trying... or don't feel like you have time for it... and it is difficult to feel sexy at all if you never bother to wear those things that help you along... so it becomes all very female and complicated and the average fellow just goes out of his mind and start building ships inside bottles to pass the nights.

DO I have a recipe to cure this perilour condition? Not really. But I do suppose that getting the occasional free night (as in free from children, chores, worrisome discussions and such) always help any sexual or semisexual entrprise.

The window shopping sounds also very good: and if you can do it in a sort of "holiday way", in some other town where you do not feel so much at home, but you can feel frisky and new and free, so much the better. (you don't need to spend a fortune for getting some things to wear... The famous little black dress can turn from sedate mom to hot hot hot night date just changing accessories... so use your fantasy, both of you, have fun)

Well said, Snow! I know that when my libido droops that I have a tendency to want to hide in huge, ugly sweaters as a way of not being seen. So the two things: 'dressing sexy' and 'feeling sexy' are linked in my mind. I got a real chuckle when you said that the lack of proper balance between those two things leads to "it becoming very female and complicated and the average fellow just goes out of his mind and starts building ships inside bottles to pass the nights." Such a funny image pops into my head reading that.

I totally understand DIWF's wife wanting to dress more conservatively out in public with the rest of the family. But, a form-fitting black dress, like Snow suggests sounds like a perfect place to start. Moms don't need to dress sluttily to look hot, particularly those who rank 19 on a scale of 1 to 10. Also, another possiblity: Lots of moms spend on their children before themselves. She might just need your blessing to go out and buy herself something nice to wear. Not saying it's that, but husbandly support and encouragement are always nice.

I agree, sometimes it is plain exhausting to think of something sexy and divine to wear. I skipped my firm's holiday party because the thought of applying makeup and wearing a party frock was completely overwhelming - had a rough week at work and acting as single mama while husbo's away for two weeks.

I will say that I will dress up a bit if I'm feeling low, rather than going the more comfy route. So on a particularly crappy day (like today), I was in black high heeled knee boots and a skirt when usually I'd be in sneakers and pants. And I do like dressing a bit more on the sexy side if we have a date night. I've been with him for going on 14 years, I think (hard to remember sometimes) and I have a pretty good idea of what he likes. I save the avant garde outfits to impress architects. I take an active role in asking him what he likes, filing away any compliments for future reference...it is a back and forth conversation.

I don't feel controlled now, but we had issues very early on in our relationship. He didn't like me wearing skirts or dresses that he thought were too short, and he was appalled when I didn't wear panties if I were wearing a longer skirt. Fortunately we have gotten over that!

From my pov, I feel sexy when he notices that I had made an effort beyond my usual jeans and yoga type tops and jackets. Although one time he complained about me wearing 'hottie' jeans to work. But hey, he noticed!

Positive reinforcement, I think this is what my babbling is amounting to.