So, today, me and Jill are sitting in the living room with two kids, and I wanted to talk to her in reference to last night's sex. But I obviously couldn't, because the kids were in the room. I had this brilliant idea to invent a codeword, so that we can talk about it without scarring the kids for life.

However, we are at a loss as for what to use. I suggested to talk about 'cleaning my gun', but she pointed out a couple of flaws in this idea. The kids know I'm the only one who cleans guns around here, if she said she was going to clean her own gun, they would get suspicious. Also, it would be very bad, if, (God Forbid,) we heard an intruder in the middle of the night, and I rolled over to get my gun, and Jill asked what I was doing, and I whisper; "I'M GETTING MY GUN!!" and she says, "But it's only Wednesday."

Any better ideas?

We went with the "talk" we had last night, or I really need to talk to you. Pretty innocent and non-scarring, well unless of course they some how catch you in the middle of a long toe-curling talk with your better half.

Depending on the age of your kids I would just come out and talk openly. It has produced some very humorous reaction from our 14yr old daughter (Embaraassment, hiding her red face, priceless!)

We use to use "Our Private Time".

MJ

yeah nothing beats the repulsion kids feel when they realize they have parents who have sex. this is a remark friends have heard from thier kids.

friend and wife in hot tub. teen comes home.
"oh my god. you guys are such sick perverts"

now. think back to when you realized that your parents had sex. . were you aghast? sickened?

hehee. SHOCKED.

i think the main thing is in short. that you make sure sex is always seen in a positive and healthy light.

cheers
Nigel.

quote:

i think the main thing is in short. that you make sure sex is always seen in a positive and healthy light.

amen. if you are open about the human anatomy, talking and interacting in daily life, the "trauma" of things sexual pretty much disappears. it's never comfortable "getting caught", but well adjusted children are able to smile and laugh about it as one of those embarrassing moments.

Nothing healthier than walking in on your parents having sex (I did). Scarring? But people, be realistic. Scarring things are other things. Why should your kids live in the illusion that after conceiving them you never touched each other again? what is the POINT? I am not saying you have to discuss hard core bdsm or plan your next swinging weekend at dinner, but I really see no point in trying to keep everything hidden. Wether you talk to them or not, they will discover the exhistence of sex pretty early, and I think a honest approach to the thing wd be a lot more educative and avoid a lot of absurd misconceptions about it, not to mention that awareness and information are the best defence against "accidents".

Talk of "foot rubs" if you have to, but don´t try to keep kids innocent for life. Doesn´t work.

I have to agree with the statement made......
"I think the main thing is in short. that you make sure sex is always seen in a positive and healthy light."
That only makes sense.

But I really don't feel I need to talk about how well my wife "cleaned my gun" last night with the kids in the room.
There are some things that are totally private and the children don't need to know.
I of course would and do discuss with them openly about sex & sexuality.

To take it to extremes, I wouldn't start having sex with my wife in front of the kids. It's not right.
The same as I wouldn't start talking about what great head my wife gives, or how it would be nice if I could tie her up and spank her, etc, etc.....

But would you start cuddling and kissing your wife in front of the children... and just how far would you go?
Last summer the grandsons were 'oh like yuk' when they found G and I cuddling and kissing - I viewed it as their problem not ours.
Sex is good, sex is great! So why do we try to pretend otherwise to our children? Why use silly words that allude to what happened the night before?

would i start cuddling and kissing my wife in front of my daughter? of course. theres nothing wrong with cuddling and kissing. affection is not only something i see as proper to teach as a normal thing. but from the point of a father. it shows my daughter that a man is attentive, takes care of his house and treats the lady of the house with affection and respect.

now that shes 17. i see her looking for those qualities in the boys she meets.

its called leading by example. and yes there are limits .but does there need to be a code word? i mean when my wife "looks" at me a certain way. i know.

honesty and good taste seem to reign here. lol

cheers
N.

Nah. Not gonna happen.

I get what you guys are saying, and I agree, to an extent. My parents were so messed up and sexually repressed that the best thing they ever did for me was to never talk about it.

But at the same time, the kids I'm worried about are 3 and 6. The six year-old is infamous for lack of tact and bad timing.. Seriously, he is the one who would point at the KY jelly on the counter in the grocery line, belonging to the person in front of us, and say, "Dad, mom has one just like that, but it's a different color!" right before he would look at the cashier and ask her "How many pounds are you?"

There's a difference between being open and honest with my kids, and asking my wife in the open, "So, that trick you pulled in bed last was great, do you have another one? I came so hard need to recover." They don't need to know the specifics, as far as, "I really liked it last night," or "I think we should do it again tonight, but with a twist."

When they're in bed, we just masturbate each other on the couch anyway.

well question. if you said to your wife .. wow. a backflip with a twist!.. would they even know what that meant? i mean if you show a issue with it. it will probably stick. if you dont show an issue in it. and stick to clean innuendo. will they even understand it? or retain it?

in fact my guess is. the only thing theyll retain is that mommy loves daddy and vice versa. and for some reason later in life. might understand love just a little bit better .

i think you might be a little too worried. and as long as your innuendo stays within bounds of your own personal comfort. you have little to worry about.

least thats how i see it.
Cheers.
N.

Actually as an afterthought.

might be fun to just associate items places etc to various things. a private code. twinspeak. heh the parents have thier own language.
or for that matter.

why not just learn a new language together? perhaps with the excuse of travelling to that place someday?

then those discussions might as well be in mandarin for all that matters =)

I guess I'll be in the minority here. I think being open and honest with your children as they ask questions about sex is a must. Starting a conversation about last nights bedtime Olympics while the kids are in the room seems somewhat selfish and self absorbed. It couldn't wait until they are in bed and you are masturbating each other on the couch?

Um, about the language idea, incidentally, I am about to wrap up an intensive language program. She tried to learn it with me, but there was no way to compete with six hours a day, drinking from the fire hose handled by native speakers. We'll work on it, but I will be discussing politics when she will be figuring out how to order champagne.

(I did buy some erotica in that language for study material.

And Silk, of course you're right, and our kids would never let us have an extensive conversation about anything while we're all in the same room, but just for example, I take some levitra, and it's best if I have some advance notice. Sometimes I need to ask jill if she's anticipating tonight, to properly prepare. Issues like that, sometimes I just have a thought and want to know about it.

Until our kids were old enought to understand we simply spoke in broad and generic terms -- "I had fun last night", "How do you feel this morning?" -- Phrases like that -- You could alway leave a note in her underwear draw, high on the fridge, or simply slip it to her under the table (the note that is ).

But I agree with Silk -- No need to flaunt it until they are old enough to understand AND to (in your 6 yr old's case) be discrete.

Oh - and do not judge your parents too harshly -- Different timeshad different rules.

MJ

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