My fiance and I have been together for two years. Over the last two years our sex life has become complacent and boring. I am a bit of a freak and he is a little bit on the reserved side. I have stopped doing all the things I enjoy and I am just starting to hate sex with him. He never goes down on me, isn't into foreplay anymore. He barely touches me at this point. We went almost 3 weeks without having sex and he didn't even notice. I have never had anyone get bored with me and I am at a loss. Needless to say I am going through batteries like anything and I am really trying to be good and not turn into a cheater. I have tried to talk to him and he asks like nothing is wrong. I don't know what to do. He has said that his ex girlfriend is the best he has ever had and I wonder if I am just not measuring up.

If you do not believe there is any medical reason he is acting the way he is (like he is depressed, over worked, under a lot of stress, etc.) then you need to do what you already know you have to do: break off the engagement and and walk away.

Your fiance apparently has gotten everything he wanted from you and is just using you as a safe place to be. If you are having these problems now and your fiance is not open to discussing them then your marriage will either be long and loveless or doomed and quick (I hope the latter).

But, if you want to try to salvage it then have a heart-to-heart and suggest counseling.

If you decide to leave, then leave. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars, and DO NOT LOOK BACK. And especially DO NOT believe him when he says he will change as you are walking out.

Sorry for the bluntness but you did ask for our opinion.

Good Luck and let us know what happens.
MJ

I cannot believe he said that "his ex is the best he's ever had." Harsh.

I agree with mj. If everything else is great and sex is the only problem then seek out help to salvage the relationship. If sex problems is just the tip of the iceberg, it might be your last indication that things just aren't going to work in the long-run.

It's totally not my place but if he hasn't wanted sex for three weeks (or weeks at a time and this is the "norm" as of late) and there's nothing pressing (like work stress or whatever) there's probably reason to think he's satisfying his sexual urges elsewhere. Of course maybe not every guy is as horny as I am and wants it every day. But I don't think I'm unique here. Does he take any medication that might be affecting his libido?

Communication is key, though. Find out what some of his fantasies are. Maybe if you satisfy one of his he can one of yours (back-and-forth). Toys are always a great way to spice things up (I know a great web site for that). Was there something that happened that he stopped doing the things you like or was it a gradual thing?

I have to agree with Bad and Jar, while adding a word of caution that if you DON'T get this VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE dealth with, you will have ZERO chance at a long-lasting, meaningful marriage. More soon...

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I think you should definitely sort this out before you are married. A sexless marriage is very hurtful on all counts.

Good luck.

R

Welcoe Juggernautbabe80! Wow! I have to say that for a first post, you are in such a pedicament. Realize that the first 3 replys are from men and they have been very insightful in answering you. Something is very wrong in your relationship if you two are not having much sex. I applaud you for trying to talk to him about it, but you will have to actually need to have a heart to heart conversation soon. Other than a medical condition, you need to tell him how you feel, and ask him why he would compare you, his fiance to a past girlfriend. If you can't get an answer you two are wasting time together and it's time to move on. Life is too short for you to just be passive in this current relationship.

juggernautbabe80

A little over 10 years ago I married the love of my life. Unfortunately, the 1st year was very difficult. The great sex that we had dried up as soon as we said our vows. I was frustrated, disappointed, and felt a little tricked. It was not good. It accumulated until I had enough and found the strength to really talk with my new wife.
I explained how important sex is to me, not just physically but emotionally. And how rejected and unloved I felt when she was shutting me out.
After a long and painful talk, she admitted some hang ups about what a "good wife" should be. And I discovered the importance of open and honest discussion.
We may not have a perfect agreement on sex, however there are no secrets between us (our family and friends are often freaked out by our level of openness with each other). I could not love someone more, and my love grows everyday.
We don't agree on everything, but we always know how much we love each other and that we always have the best intentions for each other.
I don't believe in marriage unless you find someone where you have this level of love and trust. Only you can know if this is achievable with your fiance. So please try to work on the communication, however you must be ready to walk away if this is just not possible. Remember, there are a lot of people out there and no one should settle.
Life is too short. Be happy.

Nothing new in my reply, really. It has already been pointed out that honest & open communication is a must in any relationship and especially in a marriage. I just wanted to give that point some emphasis.

I know that if I felt that I couldn't communicate with my fiancee honestly and openly that I'd have to call things off. Your priorities may vary a bit from mine but for me communication is the foundation that supports the cornerstone of a relationship. Granted, as George says, you might not always agree but you should know where each other stands. The two of you can prepare for and deal with the known, however you can't do anything about the unknown.

Juggernaut, my (our) heart(s) go out to you, but concur with the above and would reinforce that communication requires more frequent attention than just about everything else, even home, health, sex, and finances!
We've been at all or 'em a good while, and still find communication the linchpin. We have days, even now, where we're not so good at it - about sex as well as the rest of 'em.

From what I see, this has all the indications that he is not in love with you. Trust me, it will never get better than what you have now. If it was me, and I have been there, I would get myself out of this relationship and find someone who really cares about sex as much as you do. Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together, without sex, your relationship will crumble and eventually come apart where you will find a lover on the side or he will. Like I said, get yourself out of this one and find someone who has a genuine interest in YOU.

A woman with a healthy high sex drive is a rare and wonderful thing. If he has had better, perhaps he needs to go back to her. I'll say, and I don't normally speak in absolutes, this guy needs to get into couples therapy, or you should quit wasting time with him. (Call it a feeling, he won't go to therapy with you.)