Hello,

I found an interesting read, very thought provoking and probably very controvercial. Its an interview of the author of a book called "Peace Between the Sheets: Healing with Sexual Relationships". Having just failed my last relationship, this article seemed to make since to me. The sex was very hot for the first 6 months, then something changed. I think their is something to the chemical changes that happen in our brains after climax. I am curious what other think.

http://www.realitysandwich.com/finding_peace_between_our_sheets

The more I have sex, the more I want.

If I go a while without having sex, I tend to forget how great it can be and am not interested in having it.

As to the orgasm issue, I wouldn't want to prevent an orgasm, although I don't want that to be the expected outcome each time we make love. I just want to enjoy the experience with my husband.

Need........more........vitamin E........
<collapses>

i think a lot of things create friction inthe bed room, some of what we have discussed here to great lengths, but there is one constant that ive heard from others.

loss of desire in women. it isnt purposeful. they dont think about sex at all. like SSM says. if its been a while. she doesnt think about it.

im sure as the article suggests, that "orgasm addiction" is part of the equation. but really folks. friction occurs because things somehow get unequal. a husband too busy with the rat race to notice his home life. a menopausal or pre menopausal woman who is losing desire, and instead of merely discussing the issue. tensions build, and someone goes away unhappy, feeling disregarded, and overall in time maybe even bitter.

i think peace between the sheets makes some sense. but i dont think it applies to the mainstream.

cheers
N.

Yeah, I have to agree with Nigel, there are a lot of factors that contribute to a good (or bad) session in the bedroom.

Like SSM, if it's been a short amount of time without sex (couple of weeks), sometimes it's easy to forget how good it is. On the other hand, when it's been a longer period of time (like 4 months with hubby overseas) it's all I can think about! In cases like that, even though I take care of business on my own, I always want that connection with B. It's never as good as when he's there, active and participating

I do agree that there are chemical changes in our brains, that's simply biology and hormones. Another way to look at it would be, would I rather stay (in the hunter/gatherer sense) with someone who can make me scream with pleasure or with someone who doesn't? I know what my answer would be And that's because of a strong emotional connection as well.

what also piques my curiosities, is when you meet that certain someone. the sex is hot, the electricity flows. etc. but as a relationship flows and mellows. how some people cool off. and others continue to burn white hot ..or continue to hunger for that other.

each one unique. but its a constant. it changes in all cases.

some complain they no longer feel the "spark" etc. i think the spark always continues. we just become accustomed to it. like a favourite shirt. it begins to feel as like a part of self.

thanks everyone for your perspectives. being raised catholic i have felt like I struggle with sex and guilt. it really wasnt until the past few years that I have become comfortable with my sexual desires. I know I do feel drained after masturbation and sex, the chemical reaction, I feel I am moving past the guilt of being sexually adventurous. I have never become bored of my lovers, but I do feel like their has to be moderation/balance in the amount of orgasms that a man can have and still be powerful in life. hmmm, I am curious what older guys have to say about blowing your load too much, does it catch up with you (self or sex)?

quote:

Originally posted by seven4u:
I have never become bored of my lovers, but I do feel like their has to be moderation/balance in the amount of orgasms that a man can have and still be powerful in life.

I'm not sure what you're saying. Could you explain that a little?

Hey Vorbis,

I am referring to Tantric mumbo jumbo, that a man who ejaculates often looses vitality over time. the tantric teaching speak of holding the ejaculation and having an inner "energetic" orgasm.

The best person to ask would be GG, she and her husband practice a lot of Tantra.

If the addiction is to orgasm then why not just do it manually and be done?

Sex for me isn't always about the orgasm, I mean yes they can be wonderful but so can just being intimate and having my husband inside of me. Having his breath on my skin, his fingers tracing my curves and tasting him when we kiss. Then there are the times when all I want to do is make his toes curl and his knees go weak with pleasure, nothing makes me happier then seeing his skin flush and get sweaty when I am going down on him and none of that has anything to do with having an orgasm!

There are so many levels to a good healthy sexual relationship and having an orgasm is just part of it, a good part but not the whole.

I have been married to my husband for 13 years. We have been having sex for 19 years and the sex is still wonderful. Are there times when we are out of cycle with each other of course, but it doesn't mean we are tired of each other by any means. Life happens, work and family can take a toll on even the best couples, but you get through it and you get back to each other!

Well said Sassy.
I couldn't agree with more.