Well, I know I shouldnt have taken that blow job (unprotected) from that stripper a month ago but I did. Now I find out I have chlamydia and so I am going to need to tell my wife.
So I am looking for some advise, especially from the wives out there. What is the best way to do it

Ahh, Panicked...a very appropriate name. Well first off, you should tell her when she's calm and doesn't have anything planned. Because she won't be for long, I can guarantee that, and this conversation will take a while because Lucy, you've got some 'splainin' to do. In fact, you might want to remove all heavy and sharp objects from the nearby vicinity, and no, I'm not kidding. Moving on...

I'm assuming that you've already realized that you've cheated with a stripper (in my book, BJ definitely equals cheating). So, your wife will not only be furious about the possible STD that you've given her, but also about your unfaithfullness. There are two issues at work here.

Now for the fun part. I'm glad you've realized that you need to tell her, not only for the sake of your relationship, but for her health. Since it's been a month, you've probably had some form of sexual contact with your wife. Without a doubt, she needs to be tested IMMEDIATELY for a full range of STD's. The vast majority of women with chlamydia do NOT exhibit any symptoms. You should get tested too if you haven't already. You should tell her the truth, especially stressing that you were completely in the wrong. If you don't feel that you were wrong to get the BJ, you've got bigger relationship problems you need to hash out with your wife.

After she's finished spontaneously combusting and her rage has subsided a bit, you should INSIST on seeing a counselor together. It will help you understand why you cheated (and being a horny guy does NOT count) and how you can regain your wife's trust, because you'll have to work doubly hard to earn it back. Since I don't know your wife, she may not be the forgiving type and this event may be a dealbreaker (i.e. lawyer on speed dial). This is something you'll have to deal with if it comes up.

One more thing: from the brief description that you gave us I'm unsure of your and your wife's ages, if there are children involved, or other life circumstances, or even if this is the first time this has happened. But, it seems that you're mostly upset that you have a disease because it's forcing you to fess up to your activities. I certainly hope that it's not the only reason, and that the fact that you (hopefully) love your family and feel a strong need to make things right is part of it. Good luck.

p.s. you might as well tell your wife it was a hooker, because if you paid for it, it was prostitution, pure and simple.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Phoenix,

I know staying positive is the modus operandi here, but.....find a good divorce lawyer, and give your wife whatever she wants??

Sorry, but you cheated on your wife- with a stripper, no less- got an STD, and you visit a site dedicated to couples' sexual pleasure and unity for advice on how to break the news??

Wear a helmet, and hope she not the violent type, because you deserve what you get.

Funny, long before my husband and me decided to give a sort of openish aspect to our marriage I had told him I wd be very unhappy about cheating, but that if he really had to, at least to use a condom.

What her reaction may be to the cheating part is up to her, depends on any number of factors, and I won't get into it. But I hope that at least for the std part she will stick you upside into the garden shredder and press ON.

I really agree on the above post.

I also think it's really cheap, you KNOW you should not havetaken that BJ... but apparently your only regret is about the surprise surprise surprise you got...

Yep, you should tell your wife asap, but still I would takea day to think about this... may be imagine reversing the roles... how wd you feel if your partner had cheated on you... and only told you... because something went wrong...

And I agree with Phoenix BJ is definitely cheating, so don't you even think about uttering anything along the lines of "It was ONLY a BJ"

TAKE-YOUR-RESPONSIBILITIES.
SERIOUSLY.

a blowjob lasts 10 minutes, an STD can last a lifetime.

not going to beat you up any more, but your wife needs to seek treatment ASAP. she could have serious damage to her reproductive organs if let go.

Holy crap. Divorce lawyer!!!
Yes. I have kids. Yes, I agree I cheated. Im not gonna use any excuses like how many beers I drank or it was just a BJ. I get my test results next week but I am 90% certain they will be positive for chlamydia cause 10 days after the incident i started getting some pain while urinating.
I have to be truthful and say that I would not say anything about this if it wasnt for this disease potential. Sorry but that is the truth. My wife and I have had sex about 3 times this whole year (yes, once since the BJ) so our relationship is alreay pretty crappy. She isnt interested in sex at all and I need to pretty much beg her. Well, guess her interest will be zero from now on.
So, Ill tell her and then whatever happens, happens. It really sucks that the one time this happens I probably get a disease but I should have known better.

yes you should have

If I were your wife you'd be out on your ear,one thing I wouldn't tolerate is a cheating husband a marriage is supposed to be built on trust,if you can't discuss how you feel with her regarding lack of sex maybe you should've called it quits before going looking somewhere else.
I think you deserve what you got, however I don't think your wife does.

I am going to say what others have wanted to but ahve been too nice and diplomatic (never been accused of being diplomatice). I am tired of a few bad apples giving my half of the human race a bad name.

You sir are an IDIOT!

1) you knew you should not have received the blow job but yet you did. 2) You knew that honesty was the best policy but yet you come here looking for a way out. 3) Your thoughless action will cause others to suffer far worse than you but yet you try to shift some of the balme to your wife.

Get a lawyer and tell him not to fight anything because if I were her I would OWN you. You will be luck if a divorce is all you recieve and you are not charged with reckless endagerment or some other crime. You might as well as call the marriage over and make it as easy on the kids as possible (Better separated than have them hear fighting and name calling all the time).

Have a wonder life!
MJ

and just to chime in. from here on in. stop drinking. if your blaming the number of beers involved in your poor judgement. its time to hang that monkey up in your life.

might consider talking to the good folks at AA.

best
N.

Well Panicked, you have received the verbal beatdown you probably deserve, any regrets posting you situation here?

Here's what I would tell you.

Tell your wife what you did, hope to God she did not get infected and beg for forgiveness. If you value your relationship with your wife and kids then you really have no choice.

Filing for a divorce and all the pain and hardship on you, your wife and children is not the solution for a one time trist and mistake.

Put yourself in her shoes and think about how you would feel about it. Would you divorce her?, nahhh....it's a big deal, but killing a marriage over it, and one that has children, is not the answer in my opinion.

A far as the wife only having sex with you three times a year, and your using that as an excuse....it's kinda lame bro.

Save your marriage if you can, she will heal over time and trust you again, but it's a lot of work and you need to be sure you're up for the task.

The alternative seems like an easier way out, but it's not, it's incredibly hard and the guilt will last a lifetime......it's a big monkey on your back is guilt, and the damm thing never jumps off.

Fix it!!

Let's see, best that I can tell from reading all the posts, you have a sexual addiction, a drinking problem, and apparently a gambling problem by betting on unprotected sex. Sounds like most of the guys I dated in college.

You know what the right thing to do is. Don't ask for other options. As our friends at Nike say, "Just do it"

Ok all. Ive gotten alot of advice and most of it was onesided, negative and really not very helpful. A few were actually useful. Now I have my test results back and they were all NEGATIVE. It was all in my mind probably and the odds of catching chlamydia from oral are apparently very low anyway.
But, when I told my wife about the possibility (and before I told her about the stripper incident) she ended up confessing to me that she had a few flings with a guy from work. Can you believet that. I am worried about giving her chlamydia and the more likely scenario is that she could have given it to me. Anway, since she was so remorseful and apologetic about it, and since I had been a little bit naughty myself I told her I forgive her and its not a problem as long as it never happens again. She was very relieved (as was I) that chlamydia was not an issue.
I am hoping this gives our relationship a new start and as it turns out, our sex life has been incredibly spiced up. Thinking about her being a dirty girl with this other guy has really turned me on in some kind of strange way and the fact that she screwed this other guy really makes her want to please me alot more than ever.
So there you go. Did anyone want to now discuss how I should look for the divorce attorney or how she gives her half (women) a bad name (read the responses to my initial post for background on these comments). Probably not. Which is fine by me as I have never believed that what is good for the goose is good for the gander anyway.
Not Panicked At All

I think you both make an amazing sad show, if you ask me. Last time I looked this boards were about hot sex in HEALTHY relations, so may be you are chosing the wrong public for this show.

First you come here all panicked (good screen name that) about you getting caught for cheating on your wife...

Then you write a load of shit on how your wife does not screw you anyway, so it was just what he deserves...

Then you come here singing andsmiling, on how lucky you are that your wife gave you a set of horns...

I think I have read some more pathetical posters on these boards, but not many.

ill bite,

its one thing to drive your car down a boat ramp.
its another to discover stopping is a good use for brakes.

you both got lucky. you both had your dalliances, you both were not honest about it. you both made err in judgement. its not about judging you . its about learning from how lucky you got.

look at the deficits, learn from them. or quite possibly, you might not be as lucky the next time.

i dont think anyone posting was off base. you screwed up and almost infected your wife. most people given this situation would already be in divorce court. you did something foolish, and got lucky. so man. do you learn from it. or do you call everyone negative and gloat. from what i know. two negatives do not make a positive.

heres a smart idea. be thankful you were wearing your bulletproof vest. you certainly dodged this bullet

i wish you both the best life can bring, and hopefully you two can learn to communicate. honestly and openly now that youve laid the table bare and divested yourself of your mutual deceptions.

cheers
N.