quote:

Did anyone want to now discuss how I should look for the divorce attorney or how she gives her half (women) a bad name

no...you're a pathetic excuse for a human being. you come here with your tail tucked between your legs like a whipped puppy asking anyone for advice. as it turns out, you get a free pass and you think you're some kind of superman.

i'd say you deserve each other....and it's too bad the tests came back negative. you've learned nothing.

quote:

Originally posted by Nigel:
you both got lucky. you both had your dalliances, you both were not honest about it. you both made err in judgement. its not about judging you . its about learning from how lucky you got.

Like Nigel said, you BOTH screwed the pooch on that one. If your wife had written in instead of you (whether it was about cheating with her coworker or at a bachelorette party, etc), I'm very certain she would have gotten the same type of response that you did.

I'm disappointed you didn't get something, because you only learned it's okay to cheat because you most likely won't get an STD. I also notice you DIDN'T confess to your wife about yours after she told you about her affair. What a piece of work, both of you...you do deserve each other.

If it had been your wife who first posted I would probably have weighed in and been pretty blunt with her... there is no room for double standards in a relationship! I'm sorry you feel that the responses to your post have been harsh frankly I think the other board members have let you get off pretty lightly. I hope you have both learnt something from all of this and that from now on neither of you will be straying.

Hmm, first thing that comes to my mind- wow what a complete asshole. You're both in a fucked up relationship. Good luck with that.

Now, if you come back looking for some advice on how to make this thing work out for the better and have a healthy relationship, I think we can probably work past our differences and give you guys a hand. Shoot, maybe swinging would work for you if extra marital sex gives you both a thrill. Of course that's only going to last so long if the honesty and trust issue isn't kept tip top.

The biggest thing I see is "you forgave her". Wow, how magnamous of you. I don't see where she had the opportunity to forgive you for getting stripper head... Did I miss that in your post somewhere? In the mean time, feel free to visit other boards and don't be surprised if you're met with some people that feel like you're an idiot on this one.

and I'm calling BS on the part where she confesses that's she's the adulterer, or is that adultress.....

Clam man, just keep it in your pants man, it aint worth all the drama.

I'm gonna agree with Fraggle- It sounds a bit like damage control, and way too much like a conservative "Dear Penthouse Forums" to me. But, in the event you're actually not lying to save your virtual soul.....

Forget about the divorce lawyer- You're both idiots, and both made for each other.

Please, don't post on here anymore. We're always happy to help people who need help with relationships, but I think everyone here agrees that this site is for questions about and assistance with healthy sexuality and relationships- most especially from a couples perspective- neither of which you have, nor have any desire to gain.

Additionally, you've obviously learned nothing from your experience, which, in an odd way, is just as asinine as cheating in the first place. The fact that you then come on here and try to gloat about your idiocy mayhaps turning out better than you thought it would only serves to enlighten the fact that you- and, if you speak the truth, your wife- are idiots of a truly high order, so far as relationships go.

Now, kindly bugger off.

(Fuming black circle on the ground with crumbly incinerated remains)

Question for you.. what would your reaction be if the tables were turned? She got the STD through sexual activities and she said the same stuff- sex wasn't that often, and he's got no bloody sex drive anyways. How would you handle a situation like that?

Kathy

oh, in that case I'd still put the blame on him!

Just kidding, the sitch would be the same if you reversed the position.

And I like the way I phrased that!!

Ok Ive read peoples responses (I actually have been reading this site for a long time now). My skin is now thicker and so I will say, thanks for the advice. Yes it did happen the way I explained and yes, I did tell my wife about he BJ (and she forgave me). I guess I was not clear with that.
What was lacking big time in our relationship was communication. And we are working on that and things have gotten 10times better in that department as well as the sex department.
Anyway, since I know those of you who responded so negatively are perfect and have never made any mistakes, you certainly have the right to cast the first stone. Thank you for judging us. It was very helpful. Please continue on with your perfect, mistake-free holier-than-thou lives. I am sure you are also environmentalist who drive SUVs and vegetarians who wear leather. Ok, that's sarcasm. Some of those responses deserve it.
For those who really made the effort to not judge with their advice, definitely thank you. We are moving on (disease free) and hopefully you all do too.

quote:

Please continue on with your perfect, mistake-free holier-than-thou lives.

gotta love sarcasm. but how do you know its holier than thou? perhaps you might look at it thus. instead of finding people judgmental because they didnt bother to mollycoddle your feelings, did you ever stop and think people have set opinions, because theyve BEEN THERE?

life is a learned quality, we often learn from experience. its a wise person who learns from the mistakes of others rather than just feeling persecuted.

take advice at face value. and do try to look beyond how it affects just you.

cheers , and im glad that things worked out. i really do hope they stick for you guys.

N.



open your vistas panicked.

quote:

What was lacking big time in our relationship was communication. And we are working on that and things have gotten 10times better in that department as well as the sex department.

I'm glad to hear you recognise that there was a communication problem between the two of you - it is so very easy to allow a marriage to slip into being little more than a convenience. G and I have had our share of challenges in the past, including an arid period when we did not have sex at all, and the only solution is good communication!

quote:

Anyway, since I know those of you who responded so negatively are perfect and have never made any mistakes, you certainly have the right to cast the first stone. Thank you for judging us. It was very helpful.

Any comments I made were not from a space of judgement. If you look at the fact that you came to a set of boards set up for couples to work on their relationship - specifically their sexual relationship - then for many of our members your behaviour was unfathomable. That your wife was also off playing the field does not make the situation any better. I hope for the sake of you both that you will now continue to communicate and that you will not feel a need to get a blow job from a tart!

Panicked,
Glad to hear your working on your relationship, especially since there are children involved. You can’t change the past but you can create a future. You need to really evaluate what got you to a place were you had sex 3 times a year. Like GG said communication is key.

I hate to say it but this scenario is played out far too often in far too many marriages. I think our culture is sadly lacking on the importance of creating healthy sexual partnerships that focus on meeting each other needs what ever they are. A relationship that lacks intimacy is a ticking time bomb.

I know you said you get fired up thinking about her and the other man and your sex has been better but I would really recommend you put that type fantasy on hold for awhile and go back and build and rediscover yourselves together. Go on dates, become friends again, treat each other special, find out how to please each other in amazing new ways…I promise, if you develop the sexual connection possible between two intimate loving people nobody will be needing head from a stripper. Try to recapture the breathless excitement you had the first time you slipped your hand under bra or where ever. That’s where the magic begins.

Once you rebuild a solid foundation then enjoy all the fantasies you want any way you both enjoy. Good luck.

Just my completely unqualified 2 cents worth. .

quote:

Originally posted by Freedom:


I would really recommend ... go back and build and rediscover yourselves together. Go on dates, become friends again, treat each other special, find out how to please each other in amazing new ways…I promise, if you develop the sexual connection possible between two intimate loving people nobody will be needing head from a stripper. Try to recapture the breathless excitement you had the first time you slipped your hand under bra or where ever. That’s where the magic begins.

Just my completely unqualified 2 cents worth. .

That advice is definitely worth a whole heck more than 2 cents! Right on the mark!

I know this topic is pretty much dead, but I'm just going to throw in my two cents and reiterate what everyone here already knows.

This guy is a total d-bag. Also, its people like him that contribute to the 51% divorce rate in America today that makes it hard for young people like me to even imagine getting married.

Thanks alot asshole.


Edit:

How many guys do you think that stripper gave blowjobs to before you?