Hi,
I would like some feed back and opinions. My hubby and I have been together for 10 years. During early years he was always a "quick shot" rarely lasting over 2 or so minutes after penetration.
Due to diabetes, alcoholism and other probs he lost the ability to get an adequate erection at all even with Viagra. For 6 years we had no real sex life (penetration) only mutual masturbation...which was highly unsatisfactory to me as a sole means of a sex life.
Anywayz over the last 2 years he had a penile implant. We just recently were able to have actual penetration and sex. He has a difficult time ejaculating through sex...and even now has a hard time getting off with a hand job... something has definitely changed. I am wondering if maybe he is spilling it somewhere else...and being that he is nearly 60 , his body can't recoup to cum again more than once a week or longer. Anyone have an opinion or knowledge. PS Apparently he has no problem getting himself off.
SDW

three points i'd like to make:

1) i could be the medications. they can make ejaculating near impossible. i had a little bout with this some years ago. when i got off the meds, my problem was cured.

2) emotional. if you are putting too much stress on the "finale'" he may be feeling pressured and that can lead to no cum.

3) with the medical conditions, meds etc. maybe he's able to control the "feel" with his hand easier. when you have sex, have you tried "clamping' down on him with your muscles off and on throughout? kagel exercises could help you here.

yeah. could be any number of things

disease (see below)
stress (a toll taker)
diabetes (this can take a huge toll and even your life)
alcoholism
depression (not being healthy enough to perform, takes a mighty toll on a man)
injury. (even old back injury can cause trouble down the road)

all of these degrade sexual performance. and it sounds as tho over years of maltreatment hes in dire need of healing and health. hopefully desire will follow.

not an easy road for either of you i fear but a necessary one. .

wish you both the very best
Nigel.

Does he have an orgasm and not ejaculate? f so he should think himself lucky... in Tantric sex the man is mean to have an orgasm without ejaculating! G does not ejaculate every time we make love.

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess 6 years and no "real sex" and now things trying to go full steam again..and he is older ( we both are) but I guess it is amplified b/c I am 15 years his jr. I just hope things resolve soon. It is just such a DRASTIC change from how things have ALWAYS been with us..and of course it has me wondering.
Yes Ajay, I do know all about teh clamping down...Oh yeah , I love to use those muscles...and to be honest with no sex for 6 years...it sure isnt stretched out or have any miles on it heh heh heh...
They do have him on different depression meds....I take them too and some over the years have almost made it impossible for me to get off...but he has been on them for years...and he always got off when I manually stimulated him...its just now with the actual penetration that he is having problems getting off....makes me feel like crap...ya know?
Well this may be TMI...so I will shut up for now. Thanks again everyone for all your honest opinions. I just love this site....AWESOME
Hugs, Sandra

Welcome Sandra!
We're so glad you came and sat for a while at our little therapy gallery. I'm gathering that with all the change within your relationship you have sat down and chatted with each other? Yes? Now is not the time to clam up and not tell each other what you are both going through right now. He needs to know that you feel like crap because you feel that you are not being able to make him cum. At the same time, I have to think he has a lot going through his head with the new implant and how it's not working to his full desire. So, take heed to what the other members have said and then take time to really get back to meeting each other needs. It sounds like you both need to warm the heart again before the sizzle can be HOT, HOT, HOT!

Hi Eddy,
I would love to be able to discuss things with him. He is not very open at all...he is the one that "clams up" whenever I try to discuss anything personal. Me, on the other hand, I am an open book. I LOVE sex and I think anything between 2 consenting adults is great.
The problem is that He will not offer much of anything to spice it up...I used to love to give him head...everytime. In the 10 yeard that we have been together he has gone down on me 1 or 2 times. I got tired of bending over backwards to try to please him in the bed with no offer to really do anything for me....I ended up feeling used totally. ( tells me that he really isnt into going down on a woman ) well duh !!!He is sued to being the one pleased and not having to please.
So I figure if you wanna get , you gotta give. Not just in sex, but in life in general. One sided things really dont work that well for long.
We have many issues that will never really be resolved. Not that I like it, but there is nothing that I can do...one person cannot make a marriage or a happy sex life for that matter. Thanks Eddy

you need to offer to go see a professional counselor and work things through, or go on with life elsewhere.

quote:

Originally posted by ajay:
you need to offer to go see a professional counselor and work things through, or go on with life elsewhere.

Not having any experience in this area, I've been watching the other posts to see what they say. You've received some sound advice, particularly what ajay has said (see above). Sex and marriage can't be one sided and satisfactory for all, it just doesn't work that way. Definitely seek counseling of some sort, with him if possible but by yourself if he won't go. They'll help you sort out the situation and make sense of it, and give you the tools necessary to make a decision. Life's too short to be unhappy. Good luck, Sandra!

I once heard a TV psychologist say that if you're having sex it amounts to 10% of a relationship, but if you're not it becomes 90% of the focus on your relationship.

At the time, and since, I was having problems in my marriage and the part about sex was the worst one. Things have gotten incrementally better, but for sure, it's a constant companion in my mind!

My point is, that it's not going to become a non issue because DH won't talk about it. For me, it has become worse and worse to a point where I am always sort of angry about it and that anger spills over into other things.

If you can afford a good counselor, see one. If only to have an objective forum to speak your mind.

Good luck

It looks like ejaculation is le least problem in this relation, even if, as the above post says it may grow to very large proportions in your perception.

I hate to be so blunt... but you are, I understand... 45? With a man of 60 that is ALREADY making you unhappy... and not just because he has not the physical means but because he lacks the will and open mind to make you happy (in bed and out) or even to discuss it. Get out while you are still full of life and desire. It may never get better, and you will be left alone one day wondering where all your life has gone and why.

Snowflake....You are probably right!
We have a child together and I have most of my money sunk into a house we bought...makes it a little harder to walk away....but maybe one day I will get my gut full...so to speak
Thanks, Sandra